What your H says about needing to fix himself reminds me of some of the WAS with depression. Check out AliSuddenly's thread; her BF has depression and says something similar to her pretty regularly. The thing is, if he is depressed he really will need to sort himself out before he can work on the R in any way. It's really tough.....
When my H first left I thought I'd give things 3 months and then that would be it for me. In the end, you decide the timelines and how long you want to try for, but the only thing I'd say is don't decide on a timeline in advance. You'll know when it's time to stop trying (if H doesn't sort himself out first).
Focus on you for now and let H think about himself. You sound really strong and very intelligent. You're going to find a path through this. I wish I had advice about the 'on hold' part. That must be so hard, especially since you're far from your family/friends.
Thinking of you. Hope the bookshop is fun- I do that a lot (especially trying not to read too many R books!)
