I don't have much time to post, but don't get tied to the 12 weeks as a time period- it's not hard and fast and it's just something I read somewhere on another thread- can't remember where right now. It's not a statistically sound number, anyway. You have to do what's right for you and your R, and if H needs space the only thing you can do is to give it to him. Do you think it's right for you to see him during that time? You know him best......
Your comment about your MIL made me laugh- mine's the same; I'm sure she's telling my H he was right to leave, shouldn't try and get back together with me, etc. But you know what, those things are all ASSUMPTIONS. Trust your H to make his own decisions (this is something I needed to do more of in my M and I'm working on it!)
In terms of saving your M, DBing starts by you initially being the only one who wants to work on your M. It's going to take patience and a huge amount of effort on your part before H will make a move to working on things himself. You'll feel like you're doing all this for nothing and that he's giving nothing back. Eventually he will, but he'll need to see you changing first. Also, do you need him to say he wants to work on things before you do any work? Or will it be enough for you to know you did everything you could to save the M, whatever the outcome?
