Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

Thanks OD,

It's always really nice to hear from you :). I already went to the gym this morning, and am just trying to figure out what I should do next. I may go to a bookstore or something and try to pick out a book that's not centered on relationships. Today just seems like a never-ending day...Funny how before this all happened Sundays seemed mercilessly short.

12 weeks...well I will have been out of the house for 12 weeks by the time I get back from Poland, but at this point we are still going to see each other during this time. Now I am wondering whether even that is a mistake.

I really do want to fight for my M and I have to believe that if H had no hope at all, he would be honest with me. In the last counseling session he said there would be no way he would go back to the R if it was the way before, and didn't think I'd want to either. So this wasn't a not at all, but not if statement...He also said that his guard is still up around me, that he keeps thinking that I am going to try to get him to change his mind about the time apart. More than people giving me advice though, I am worried about the people giving him advice. Now all of his coworkers know, and his mother had suggested to him that he needed to be on his own. He is obsessed with his mother, and will basically take every piece of advice she gives. She has been divorced twice herself, and I think doesn't put a lot of stock in saving a marriage. How does one counteract that? At the very beginning I'd told him he should only take advice from a professional, but now I know I can't say anything more about this. We agreed in our informal separation document the following:

*To stay in contact (no details of how)
*Not to date or sleep with other people
*To work on our friendship first and if more happened, this was fine too
*Not to speak negatively about the other person
*To do individual and joint counseling sessions
*For me to give space

I really, really want to fight for the marriage. I just wish I could get some idea about whether he really, really wants things to work out too--even if he isn't currently sure if they can...

ITH