My W has a gym at her work. She is on a cycle of starting to go does it for about three to six months then stops for a couple of months and then starts back up. Yesterday she went back and meet with a fitness person who did a BMI on her and of course she comes home and starts complaining that she if fat and ovrweight. My normal respoce is no your not, your beautiful, etc. She responds by either giving me a yea right look or a half hearted thank you but I am.
Yesterday I just listen, did not agree or try and dispute what she was saying. And let her just talk till she changed the subject to something else.
My question is, how do I as a DAM respond to these no win questions. "Do you think these make me look fat" or "I'm fat and need to lose weight". I know this is a touchy subject for women and I cannot find a good reponce that keeps me out of trouble. Any help would be nice.
You are totally right, this is a no win situation. "Do you think these make me look fat" your answer always has to be "No sweetheart, you look great". She says, "I'm fat & need to lose weight" you say "not in my opinion". If you stay quiet & don't disagree, you're digging your own grave.
If you try "baby I love every inch of you" she hears, he thinks I'm fat. "I love how you look", she hears, he thinks I'm fat & doesn't want to hurt my feelings. "you look gorgeous to me" she hears, maybe I'm not gorgeous to other men, just my H.
You could try "what did your personal trainer say" or stay with facts "what is your bmi"
Then there's the positive aspect...."you're thinner than when you were pregnant".
So, if you make any comment about anything she is eating, you're in the doghouse. LOL If you offer her to serve her ice cream, she realizes that you are okay with how she looks. Just keep offering ice cream, & telling her she's beautiful. lol
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
