Hi Lisa, This is the DB BB board, so I really think the best way to use it is as it was designed.
The first and foremost rule: do what works, change what doesn't. As you said, you know your H very well. The last time you had issues, you knew he wasn't "as done as he thought he was". You also, stood your ground if I recall and let him go, in effect saying that it wasn't your problem if he had no where to go, so setting some boundaries as well as defining yourself.
So, this time, as history does seem to repeat itself, what's he saying. Is he really not focusing on the M? Maybe he needs a break, so he can go into his head on his own. He has to change too, but you can't control that. Sorry, I know you've heard this stuff again and again.
So, back to basic DBing. First, don't take it personally, be yourself. Be true to yourself. Make yourself happy for a change. Sometimes I find that things roll off my back when I'm in a good mood, and things affect me when I'm vulnerable, not feeling safe.
Lisa, you've helped so many of us just by sharing your story. It helps again to know that an M is work, plain and simple. I had a great line this morning "we're all impossible to live with". I hope you define that as it's intended. That we're all trying so hard, and sometimes we slip, we need a rest, we need to regroup, whatever.
Lisa, you're fine, really. Find something that pulls you back up when something gets you from the side. Then, when things change, because they always do, and your H is sitting on the couch and open to your view, or you've just been intimate and he declares something that you want to hear, then you can say something like "you know I really love you... and I want to tell you at times like these, but when I feel you pulling away, I get anxious". My point is, only he can answer you, but, wait for the appropriate time, and don't get back at him when you're feeling resentful. Don't fall into his trap. Do your job and stay out of his muck, remembering that we're only human.
