Ellie, like I told Lyn above, his actions have always been the opposite of his words, throughout this, especially the beginning. He truly wanted to be done with me and the M, had himself convinced that he was.
I did start hiking with him last year, and enjoyed and have good memories of those times. The 14 er's are a little steep for me, however.
He does admit that he is bored with his life and that's where the F fighting and hiking and self defense class come in. I'm sure he's bored with me too. Well what I've heard about bored people is that THEY are boring. We aren't here to entertain each other. He and I do have a lot of fun together. Our kids are 15 and 18 now so we have a lot of freedom to just take off and we do. But I don't like feeling now that I am the only one working on this since he told what he did the other day. Although last week he said he is trying and wants me to keep trying too. He's very affectionate and loving to me too. It's like he's still trying to convince himself he's not committed or not as "here" as he really is. I don't want to sound sure of myself either because I have learned (from him) to have NO expectations. What I want is a way to let him know that I'm not focusing as hard on him and the M anymore if it isn't a priority for him without him thinking it's just a ploy. I still will remain loving and changed the way I've learned these past 16 months. I would just like for HIM to be a little insecure for once. Lisa
