I don't know if H is really moving out this weekend or not. Nothing has really been said about it since Monday or Tuesday when I told him I didn't want to talk about the R anymore.
D left to move her things up to her new condo for the upcoming school year. She left this morning. MTV was going to be there filming her BF again, so she was semi-excited about being on camera again this weekend. Her BF just turned pro (ultimate fighting mixed martial arts) and has his first pro fight this weekend...so MTV is there to film that for the show in September. Anyway, D is gone...which was the reason H hadn't already left. We will see what transpires. I'm up and down....happy and sad....I'm trying to make the best of it and be or at least act happy all the time. I know if he leaves I will be alright...at least I think so now...when the time comes, I may just fall apart all over again.
I'm taking things 30 minutes at a time...no longer looking at a day at a time...that's too hard! I'm trying to figure out plans for the future...be it alone or with H. It's hard to plan going to see family not knowing if we will be together or not...but I am trying to get things together.
My friend who is moving back from NC is having difficulty finding a place to stay for the interim while her house in NC is for sale....we have the townhouse still for sale and could rent it to her on a month to month basis...but then poor H wouldn't have his backup plan in place...so I don't really know what to do about it. We are supposedly going to discuss it this weekend and call her next week...IDK? Part of me wants to rent it to her and part of me doesn't want to close the door on H moving in there and getting his s$%^ straight. ????
We are taking the rest of D's things to her this weekend, so I will be in and out...I hope to have time to get online and visit all of your threads and catch back up!
Know I'm thinking and praying for each and everyone of you! I wish we would have never had to go through any of this pain to find and make such good friends with each other!
Have a good weekend everyone!
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Try not to dwell on what he might do, or not do. He's pretty unpredictable (exect that it probably won' tbe nice), and you can't control him, anyway. Be ready to react to anything with grace. Try not to let him see how much it hurts. Hit him over the head with a heavy object.
OK, the last thing on the list is probably not a great plan, but it sounds good!
I like that 30 minutes at a time. That seems to be the way to deal when our H's could move out at any time now.
Mine has a condo now, but still lives at home for now. We haven't told the kids yet, but he referred to our house as "your" house right in front of them yesterday. Nice.
I hope your H hasn't moved out yet.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
Nope...H is still at home. Had a good Friday and Saturday together. Got alot of things done around the house. Still painting the outside...I can't do ladders very well with my ankle but the painting is getting closer to being done!
Moved the rest of D's things up to school on Sunday. Ride up was very quiet. The sermon at church was about adultery and the guest minister really hit it home with alot of things he talked about. It really rattled H since he asked me repeatedly if the sermon was about him....all I said was do you think it was about you? He does/did. Got him to thinking I guess.?
Rode home from D's in separate cars since she isn't keeping her car at school this semester. So two hours of peach and quiet for me and 2 hours of being able to talk on the phone to MOW for him...I'm sure he was thrilled!
D's BF won his match...47 seconds and he knocked the other guy out. I guess that's good and is the goal...but it would be hard for me to watch it! I will have to see if I can be a supportive fan the next time he fights. MTV was there and filmed...I think they are finally finished filming. D was a little weary of them hanging around all weekend...got tired of having the camera in in her face and a mic on all the time. I hope when the show airs she does me proud!?
Well, I will keep reading up on everyone...hope you are all doing well... I will try to start posting more regularly...it really does help!
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Oh, almost forgot...rode my bike 7 miles Saturday and 17 miles Sunday....finally back on the bike. Still a bit swollen and I get pretty sore by the end of the day...but that happens if I'm riding or not...so the PT said go for it!
Unclipping my pedals is a challenge but I can do it as long as my leg is the up position...no chance if my leg is straight...no strenght.
Still doing PT 2x a week....see the doctor next week...and hopefully the screws will come out in October?!
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
H is supposedly moving out tonight after we get home from work. He snapped again on Thursday but the big "decision" was made last night after midnight.
I've made it through most of the day today without crying. I'm trying to muster up the courage to go home and watch him leave without crying or causing a scene. I just want some peace and happiness back in my life...whether his leaving will eventually bring that, IDK? Do I want it? No. Can I stop it? No.
I'm stronger than I was a year ago. I'm emotionally drained, disheartened, sad... H shows no emotion whatsoever...says he is empty inside. How interesting that someone so empty is so full of anger, resentment, sadness, hatred, anymosity...
Oh, but his good news to me today was that he is talking to someone in CA about a new job...
Great! I'm so happy for him. He got his degree in June...is leaving his W in August and possibly getting to move to a new place and start a new life with a new job! That's wonderful for him....sounds like everything is falling in to place! Too bad our families and children no nothing at this point....but that's going to fall on my shoulders I'm sure. This is all my fault anyway.
What a crock of S$^%.
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
At the moment he has no idea what he's doing, however it seems on the outside. I genuinely believe he's hurting and confused. Shame he's trying to fix it by hurting the one who loves him most.
I can't tell if there's some sarcasm in your comment about this being all your fault. You don't really believe that, do you?
You're an amazing woman, BA. AMAZING. I think H being away (I think it will be temporary- he'll miss you) will help you regain some peace and help you focus on yourself. After all the stress and rollercoaster ups and downs he's put you through, I think you need a bit of time to recover.
No I don't really believe it is all my fault. I know sometime and somewhere in the past 24 years I have made mistakes, spoken unkindly or whatever that may have contributed to how H feels now....but his anger is so much deeper than that....he has grievances against his parents for not encouraging him to do more when he was younger....grievances against coaches who spoke unkindly to him....grievances against his boss...his former bosses and coworkers...he has kept tabs on everything negative ever said to him....he has convinced himself that his unhappiness has been for his entire lifetime and has rewritten our history together in his mind to include our R in his misery.
He can't be helped....he has to help himself....he has to love himself first and I don't know if that will ever happen.
You are right he is hurting the one who loves him the most....but I don't know if the damage he has caused can ever be undone.
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
H is gone...he moved some things last night and finished today. Said he may call later to come back for a chair and ottoman...he doesn't know.
I watched him throw all of his clothes in garbage bags...he took them all. Same with his toiletries. Asked me to go with him to help with the mattress and box springs....helped him make up the bed and put the cushions on all the patio furniture he took to put on the covered patio there (he moved in to our townhouse that we are trying to sell). Nice bachelor pad...no worries for him....I pay all the bills...so for him this will be like a vacation.
Money will stay the same for now...no changes there. His check will still be direct deposited into our account. I pay all the bills...he will only use his debit card for gas and lunches out...and now groceries. Supposedly there will be no major purchases.
I feel like it is over. He says it's just a trial...maybe he will call me to go for a bike ride or for coffee sometime...no expectations on either side. Says maybe he will decide he has made a mistake and be back in a few weeks...?? Like his feeling will be any different then than they are now? I don't think so.
I am truly an empty nester. S moved to IL after graduation and is working there. D moved back up to college last weekend and now H moved out. Here I sit in a 4000 sf house with 3 empty bedrooms (in a 5 bedroom house)...still need to finish painting the east side of the house and the master bathroom and get the damn place on the market. How I will accomplish this I don't know....I don't even want to.
I just want to crawl in a hole.
This has got to be the worst day of my life.
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
