Mish- I just read the previous thread. Your stbxh is an a$$. No question about it.
In his own sick, twisted way, he really was trying to help you. It shows that he is completely clueless as to what he has done. But he doesn't want to hurt you. None of them want to hurt us. They just do. You CANNOT GO TO HIM for any comfort!!!! I learned this the hard way, and it took me many months to really get it. It is so different from the life we had. But you may be better off cutting out contact until you heal--it was the only thing that saved me. I only use email, now. Your son is 13; know that the lessons that you have already imparted to him will help him get through this and make up his own mind as to the morality of the sitch. Remind him of his health classes and second-hand smoke; he'll probably complain himself if he isn't used to being around it. Tell him that he CAN talk about things that make him uncomfortable, with both you and your h.
I read that you go to a Divorce support group, yes? CALL SOMEONE from there. Is there a women's center in your area? CALL THEM. Posting can be helpful, but sometimes we need another body to cry on, hold us. It sounds like you need that right now. Your mom, maybe? Get that physical connection, even if you just go for a massage.
This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, hands down. I didn't know that there was this much pain in the world that a human could live through, but I'm still here. It took two stints in the mental health dept at my local hospital, but I am still here. For my children, and myself, I am still here. Proof that there is something better that comes after and in spite of all of this pain.
Please, hold on. Post. Call people. Get hugs. Take care of you. You have to walk through the fire to get to the other side.
