OK, here is the post that I promised TwinDad yesterday. He asked me if I was saying I had major problems, or if I was saying I didn’t
Here is my answer:
Nik helped me to put this into a little bit of a perspective, when she told me to look for short breathtaking signs in my behavior. Yes, I was having panic attacks, but there is more to it than that.
About a month ago, I was in the crying, desperate, pleading stage with my H. I would be at work or at my apt. 120 miles away from home and feeling totally powerless and helpless to change/fix my sitch with him. He was distancing himself continually and on a regular basis, and I was becoming more and more distressed. I found myself in a panic state, and I couldn’t/ didn’t understand it because I cannot ever remember feeling this way, except maybe once, after my first divorce, but for totally different reasons.
Anyway, I went to the doctor, who prescribed Zoloft, Xanax AND sleeping pills, which I was taking all three and never took drugs before. I then tried to stop the Xanax because I heard they were addictive, and I do not want to go there. I started having even more severe panic attacks at this time. And, these are the reasons: 1. I was withdrawing from Xanax. 2. I was ALLERGIC to the Zoloft and started having allergic reactions, which included but were not limited to, itching dry skin and red blisterery rash-like symptoms, hives, nervousness, headaches etc.
I figure enough out to stop them ‘cold turkey’ last week sometime. But, in the meantime, my sitch was just getting worse and worse. I was calling H constantly. He did not understand my physical or my mental state at the time, and he was freaking out too. In fact, I learned from my attorney, that his attorney told my attorney that I called him at work “30 times.” I’m sure he plans to use this info to strengthen his case. I hope I can mitigate it with my explanation here.
Anyway, to make matters worse, I began shaking and falling apart mentally BECAUSE I went off the meds cold turkey. I wasn’t myself for a long time. I’m just starting to feel more confident. I still have the shakes a little, but the stronger I am at resisting the Xanax, the better I am becoming. My skin is SOOOOOOO dry, right now. It's like I'm peeling from sunburn or something. I've always had good sking and I'm a little upset about this. I hope that it is just healing and there is no more to it than that.
These are the things I feel that have contributed to my problems at hand. I hope you do not look at me in a different light. It is not my normal self. I’ve always been pretty much independent and confident and useful to society.
Cheers, Suzanne
"...independent and confident and useful to society." WOW! Did I just say that? Hmmm, I guess I do have some positive traits.
