Onward but not so Upward right now

[mishka422]

I am moving here from the MLC forum. I am certain my H is not MLC and is simply WAH but that's neither here nor there. Here is a link to my last thread.

Onward and Upward 5

I had said in my last post that I won't be posting much as I'm full of negativity now especially after last night's disaster. I'm holding on by a thread so I need to step back and find a new direction.

I'll finish adjusting the settlement agreement this weekend so I can get it back to my L on Monday with my notes. I don't know how H will react to the financial stuff. The visitation is probably more than he wants so he may decrease it, I don't know. I really don't care right now. I just want to find the deepest, darkest hole I can and crawl in.

[MichelleLT]

((((((Mishka))))))

Whether you decide to post or not, I am thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.

You will find your way through this sweetie!

[karen43]

Can I crawl in with ya??? Welcome Mishka!!! I have been feeling more negative lately also; hopefully it's ok to post with our down times and our better times. This is so tough, but I guess if we make it through this we can do anything, huh? (((((Mishka)))))

[Reincarnated]

Post the up and the down....we have all been (or are going through) both, and can be here to help pick up up and dust you off. Actually, you'll find that we will coach you to do that very thing yourself.

Hang in there,
Donna

[mishka422]

Thank you for the welcome and the support. Still reeling from the experience of dealing with OW last night. Trying to find something to do tonight to keep my mind off the fact that my son is overnight with his dad and OW for the first time ever. It breaks my heart that he is being exposed to this lack of morals and disgusting behavior. I hope I can eventually counteract it.

[Lissie]

Proud member of the Rockettes

Are you really a Rockette? Excuse my shallowness at your time of hurt. It's just that those legs should give you a reason to smile every single damn day

MLC, WAS, I don't think the label really matters. The hurt is still the same. The rejection, the utter disrespect of it all, just really all rolls into one. Like a big gross piece of gum.

I actually think this post of yours was pretty brilliant.

I'm full of negativity now especially after last night's disaster. I'm holding on by a thread so I need to step back and find a new direction.

Look at all you have learned thru all of this muck. You can recognize when you are feeling negative, and know to step back and breathe, and refocus.

That is solution orientated

I hope you have many people that will reach out to you when you are at times like these, when you want to be in the hole.

I have been in there, and so have my friends. You will crawl out of it again, you have to, you see, b/c he will not break you.

He will not break you b/c he does not have that power over you.

If he does THINK he has the power,, you may one day have to tell him to politely go F himself, b/c you don't have the desire to any longer be one of the invites to his party of self misery.

Mourn what you have to, cry over what you have to, get under the covers and not take a shower for a day or 2 if you have to.

Then you will crawl out of that hole again, you will take a shower, you will get dressed, with a pair of fab shoes, and you will put one foot in front of the other and go on to have your self the best damn day ever.

You will soon see that the need to crawl into that hole gets much fewer and farther in between.

You will eventually not remember where that hole is anymore.

It all takes time, and faith, and inner strength. You are a DBer, you hold all those qualities.

[Reincarnated]

Mish-
I just read the previous thread. Your stbxh is an a$$. No question about it.

In his own sick, twisted way, he really was trying to help you. It shows that he is completely clueless as to what he has done. But he doesn't want to hurt you. None of them want to hurt us. They just do. You CANNOT GO TO HIM for any comfort!!!! I learned this the hard way, and it took me many months to really get it. It is so different from the life we had. But you may be better off cutting out contact until you heal--it was the only thing that saved me. I only use email, now. Your son is 13; know that the lessons that you have already imparted to him will help him get through this and make up his own mind as to the morality of the sitch. Remind him of his health classes and second-hand smoke; he'll probably complain himself if he isn't used to being around it. Tell him that he CAN talk about things that make him uncomfortable, with both you and your h.

I read that you go to a Divorce support group, yes? CALL SOMEONE from there. Is there a women's center in your area? CALL THEM. Posting can be helpful, but sometimes we need another body to cry on, hold us. It sounds like you need that right now. Your mom, maybe? Get that physical connection, even if you just go for a massage.

This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, hands down. I didn't know that there was this much pain in the world that a human could live through, but I'm still here. It took two stints in the mental health dept at my local hospital, but I am still here. For my children, and myself, I am still here. Proof that there is something better that comes after and in spite of all of this pain.

Please, hold on. Post. Call people. Get hugs. Take care of you. You have to walk through the fire to get to the other side.

[mishka422]

Lissie - HA! I'm not a real Rockette. That's too funny. I'm a bit of a roly poly so NO, not a Rockette. That is just what sg refers to Jeff's (Virtually_Handsome) groupies.

You're right. I do recognize that I'm needing to step back and find a way to move my life forward. All I have now is my son and I need to focus on him. My pain is not important compared to his wellbeing.

Loneliness can be lived through. Betrayal can be forgiven. I'll find a way someday.

You all will help me through this and I will be here to help you all. We're all we have, right?

[One Day]

((((mishka))))

Found you here by accident when I was looking for LT. You sound like you're recovering. Focus on yourself as well as S, though, OK?

[mishka422]

Not really recovering Lisa, just surviving. The experience of sitting across a table from OW for an hour has left me drained and totally humiliated. I feel about 1cm tall and like I've been ground into the ground under my H's shoe yet again. Can't seem to claw my way upward at all. Pretty worthless.