One less thing for you to worry about right? One more notch to the "My wife is nucking futs!" and...well MLC.
My experience is they seek out people lower than they feel to feel better about themselves. They can't fix themselves, but they can sure try to fix someone else.
Relax Mike.
Just be more appealing than fatboy.
Got it?
Nice job on the handshake. : ) Honest.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Add to the list of new skills I've acquired in GAL phase:
I just figured out how to set up a wireless router with security features! May not sound like much, but I bought a Belkin wireless router (instead of Apple's Airport) and was trying to get my Mac laptop to log in to it. Took an hour, lots of website searches, and a couple of beers, but I'M FREAKING WIRELESS! Whooo-hooo! W and I talked about doing this for years, and I finally got off my duff and DID IT!
BTW, I just got Michele's book "Change Your Life..." from Amazon. Now I've got MORE reading material/ammo for rebuilding my life.
And... I'm wireless!
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
It's gonna take several beers and me shaking my head like a mental "Etch-A-Sketch" to get OM's shiny, corpulent torso out of my head. Gak.
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
One less thing for you to worry about right? One more notch to the "My wife is nucking futs!" and...well MLC.
My experience is they seek out people lower than they feel to feel better about themselves. They can't fix themselves, but they can sure try to fix someone else.
Relax Mike.
Just be more appealing than fatboy.
Got it?
Got it. I'm going to keep working out, eating healthy, keeping the house clean, doing all projects outside the house that W had planned, keep having fun and meaningful times with the kids, etc.
My birthday is next Friday, and my parents, who normally come out each year for it, begged off b/c they thought it'd be too weird for everyone. Ah well...I'm gonna take my sons to mini-golf and Chuck-E-Cheese for MY freaking birthday! Why the hell not? OK, my GI tract might hate me later on, but the kids'll love it.
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Nice job on the handshake. : ) Honest.
I did the best I could. Honest.
The first time OM tried shaking my hand after W revealed their affair, W wasn't around, and I gave OM my best Robert DeNiro smirk and open-armed, Italian "You kiddin' me?" gesture and said "You can't possibly be that f@@kin' stupid..." The guy honestly doesn't seem to grasp that I do not like him and will never like him. I'm polite (but curt) to him around W and kids, and I don't say anything negative about him to my kids or W, but I will *not* pretend to be friends with him.
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Went out last night with some friends, including fraternity brothers. Good time. After the bar closed (this time I didn't even go out until midnight, so I was only there two hours), we went to an "after hours" party, listened to music, debated the merits of the music being played, debated politics (in a friendly way), discussed life, etc.
Best part of the night for me was realizing that the bartender, who had come with us after she closed the bar, was a young (about 22), attractive woman who had spent most of the time at the afterhours talking to ME. I wasn't flirting, as far as I could tell (don't really know how...), just talking intelligently and casually to another person. We ended up sitting on a couch next to each other, with other folks, hanging out at the party until almost 4:30 am. She left to get a few hours shuteye since she had to work again today, and I hung out for a little bit longer and walked home. Alone. Yet surprisingly happy.
Don't get me wrong - I wasn't tempted to do anything with her, I love my W and still want to reconcile with her, but like I said... it's nice to know that I'm not perceived as some dull, unattractive, dud. Just the tonic I needed when I was feeling low after seeing OM and W earlier that day.
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Told her how I stood my ground on not letting W and OM take kids on week-long camping trip, despite the dreaded "stare" and a follow-up lobbying attempt. C thought that was a positive step.
When C asked how I spent my weekend without the kids, I told her about hanging out at a local watering hole on Friday (and then Saturday) nights. Although she said it sounded like fun, she also noted that I described each night as a "little weird." I told her that it felt strange to hang in a college bar and socialize with that crowd (even if I surrounded myself with Brothers). She wanted to know if I thought it ironic that I spent my weekend hanging with kids half my age... when part of my gripe about OM is his being 30. I pointed out that this was my first baby-steps out into the socializing world and that I was just using the situation to try to find people closer to my own age. I live in a college town. The bars are all within walking distance. The patrons of the bars tend to be... college students. Once I feel more comfortable, I'll expand my geographic base.
We got into a discussion about how I'm a serial monogamist who has pretty much been in relationships since he was 19. I crave companionship, yet have never had to actively search for it. It always found me. I don't do "alone" very well. Hell, part of the reason I went our on Saturday, despite my fatigue, was that I didn't want to be home alone, in a quiet house.
My "homework" from my C is to, at some point in the next two weeks, face my discomfort/fear and try to be alone one night. No calling folks, no visiting people, no going out... just me and my lonesome.
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Mike, Your homework assignment may also include no emails, no board chats, etc. either. You may need clarification on that, but I would suspect your "C" would include this type of communication as well.
It's difficult for some people to be alone and others relish that alone time. It will take some practice, but you'll be able to do it to a degree. You can start practicing for that night be weaning yourself off of one call per day, etc. until that one night of testing. You can do it!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You're probably right about no e-mails, board stuff, etc. One of the things that W complained about prior to the bomb was how much time I spent online - most of it was actually work/school related, but I'll cop to wasting time on chatboards debating evolution, politics, football that SHOULD, in retrospect, have been spent with W and kids.
Maybe that day alone will be spent reading, watching something from my DVD collection, etc. I'm hesitant to do schoolwork, b/c I don't want THAT to become my new way to consume time.
It'll be hard. I'll probably also cut down on the caffeine that day
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Well, today's my birthday, but I'm not feeling particularly festive (yet). Today's the first post-bomb "family" event. So, there's that dynamic working.
Toss in the fact that my parents, who usually make their annual visit across the state to visit us at this time, chose to stay at home this year. They sent me a funny card with a beautiful note (and a generous check!), basically explaining that they were afraid that it would be too awkward or painful for me for them to try the usual routine. Maybe they are right. I'd have hated for them to come all the way out, only to have their presence make me melancholy and have us all trying to fake normalcy. I can't fake "happy" for them - they obviously know me too well.
Things *were* looking up b/c an old friend of mine from college (I was his pledgemaster, we lived together for years, he was my best man) had planned to come out for the weekend. His wife was scheduled to be away on a business trip this weekend, so he was going to drive out and hang with me. He called late last night and had to cancel b/c his wife was having weird fluttering sensations in her chest and was being monitored for heart problems, so her trip (and thus his) was cancelled. I wished him and her my best, and then we talked on the phone 'til 1 am. (He doesn't "get" the DB thing and wants me to go "vendetta" on W, but by 1 am, I had him at least supporting my efforts as a friend and Brother).
Most of my other friends are gone with their families on vacations this week. No grown-ups to play with.
And, of course, all those hours I spent working on our pool to get it to look less like a duck pond (it has rained every other day since the end of June) are for naught today, since it is -surprise- POURING here again. Dark, gloomy, thunder... just great. Can't even lay out in the yard (okay, I suppose I could, but that would be too weird and would freak out my college student neighbors).
So, no visits from parents or old friends, my kids will be with W most of the day (it's her day with them), and the weather sucks. Oh, and I have a summer cold that is sitting in my chest and sinuses.
I've decided that at least I can put a positive spin on PART of the weekend by using some of the birthday check from my parents to take my sons to Chuck E. Cheese tomorrow. Normally, I can't stand the place, but it makes them insanely, maniacally happy, so I'll soak up their giddy mania to help *me* feel happy. That'll be my present to myself.
As for today... maybe I'll watch one of my NY Giants post-season DVD's, MST3K, or "No Reservations: Season 3."
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Mike, Happy Birthday! Another Leo! Treat yourself to something extra special today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
