I'm not really clear on the sex-starved part of your marriage. Did you ever experience low desire for a long period outside the time when you were fighting breast cancer? (Not that he might not feel sex-starved during that time, because he could, but it's not like there was a lot you could do about it at the time.)
Didn't you say that after the cancer went into remission you tried to restart your sex life and he wasn't interested any more? I'd say that makes you the HD and him the LD if the labels matter. I meant to say something about this when you were talking about it before. How much of that low-desire time for him was simply habit, do you think? I mean, he's cruising along having sex with his wife, you're both reasonably satisfied, then she gets cancer. Now there's no sex and nothing either of you can easily change to make sex an option, for how long? Months? Years? He gets out of the habit. Seriously, his daily routine has no sex in it. Then you start asking him for sex, and he doesn't know where to go with that. It's awkward. It's not his routine. At some point he decides it's going to be like work to get through that awkward phase, so he's done.
