Thinking of biting the bullet

[ACJ]

Yes I do but he is becoming a king of manipulation. That's how he has managed to persuade S15 to stay there with him (promises of buying him a car when he is old enough etc). So if he gets under the girls' skin as well who knows what could happen.

[ACJ]

I've been thining a lot about the adage that is posted here a lot: don't listen to the words watch the actions.

Well I can't listen to words b/c my H doesn't communicate with me at all. The few he does say match his actions.

As for his actions he just keeps getting more and more hurtful. He has never knowingly looked back since he left.

So I probably wasted every DB move I ever made (as fas as he is concerned).

Not sure how I feel about that or why I've analysed it now but I'm sure I will find out in due course.

[naej]

Alison, nothing is ever wasted. All life is a learning experience.
Yes DB ing has not saved your m. It didn't save mine or many many others that post BUT and you know the rest... it saved us.
We come out of this better people, better parents and better equipped to deal with other relationships and I don't just mean new partners.

I guess most if not all of us wish it hadn't happened. That our partners had at least tried to repair whatever the problems were and if we are honest then every single one of us had problems. We sometimes forget that when we first come and oh those rose coloured spectacles!
No one MLC or whatever leaves a truly happy marriage.IMO.
I can say that now I am many years down the road.
I hope life picks up for you. It will I know. We all get down times often more than we feel able to handle but we do. I guess thats life.

Be kind to yourself.

[ACJ]

Thanks Naej. I'm not down today (at least not like I was last week) just in reflective mood.

My S15 called today. He has a job (yay) however in his usual lazy style he only has this job b/c one of his best friends has got a permanent apprenticeship and so can no longer do this part time work. This friend told his employers that he could save them advertising b/c he knew someone who was interested. They said yes. So S15 has a job with people who he has never met and they have never interviewed. MMMmmmmmmm let's hope it last longer than the paper round!

It may seem strange to see me being so cynical about my own son BUT this is his MO in life and he is not learning the skills that he will eventually need to see him through to adult life. It also makes me angry that he is not prepared to put in the work himself prefering instead to let others do it for him.

Oh well. It's H he lives with now. H will have to suffer any consequences if there are any.

[naej]

Maybe not cynical Alison, realistic perhaps. We love them whatever but unfortunately some have to learn the hard way. When his pals are in the money after working/training he will maybe get his act together.
In my youth a very good friend of mine and H's just bummed around after losing a job at the bank. He was a really clever lad (dad a headmaster) but he just didn,t care. This was mid/late 60's so he got involved with the usual. We all worried about him anyway long story short he met a girl, they married,he got job and morgage!! Did a open Uni Degree, first of several whilst working. He recently retired from a senior post in Treasury. He had two boys one drove him mad, we just laughed the son was him to a tee! Unfortunately they still bail him out and let him come and go.
Lets hope son applies himself to work!

[Smurf_SMR]

You posted this on the thread of Trusting

They go on holiday at the same time of the year that we used to and when they holiday in this country they visit the same places.

Interesting isn't it!

In all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world....

One of the reasons my wife gave me for requiring the separation, was that she wanted to do things and go places, before she was 50.


So what has she done? Gone back to our old hometown, and gone on holiday to the place where we took our children.

So where are these new things and places?

The memories are too painful for me to think of, to go back there. It must invoke memories for them!

I have been told and read that the MLCer are returning to and trying to recapture happier times.

[naej]

You may be right Simon, guess we will really never know what they are thinking. We can do alot of assuming and downright guesswork but unless they actually "confess" we can never be certain.

I agree with the assumption though, just a pity they didn,t decide to work with us to get back those happy times.

My X has done the exact same things, but actually moved to the country, he did have the good grace to buy property on the opposite side of the island though! Bless him.

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,
You must be glad that S15 has a job. It must be so hard for you to not interfere too much regarding S15 living with H. You are right that S15 soon needs to learn the right skills to get him through life.

Have a nice week.

[MidwesternGirl]

ACJ:

Just sit back and watch how your son does. This will be a life lesson for him.

I thought my S17 would not be able to hold down a job or goof off but he proved me wrong.

He is one of their best workers and they want to promote him within six months to a management position. They said they like his work ethics, and he delegates really well and does what is asked of him.

Sometimes kids surprise us when we least expect it.

[ACJ]

TL & SF thank you for your support.

Having a few doubts about my legal advice and thinking of changing Ls. Has anyone from the UK done this mid process?