The other thing I didn't mention yet that you arne't doing is you are communicating with her. You keep reporting that she's saying x, she's saying y, and she's saying z.
Well, she's saying that because YOU are interracting with her.
When she asks "what the cluck are you doing ?" you say NOTHING. You arne't supposed to be conversing, you are supposed to be DETACHING.
Clearly you don't fully understand the concept of detachment if you think you are supposed to respond to anger.
If she yells just IGNORE her. Yelling is just like a child having a tantrum. The best response to a tantrum is NOT answering he rquestions but NOT interacting at ALL. Don't give her the satisfaction of replying to her when she's yelling.
If SHE yells, just act like you didn't hear it. Do you know what the term enablement means? It means when someone is doing something destructive OTHERS can PROMOTE that to continue by participating.
You enable a alcoholic to drink by giving them $$$ to buy liquor. You enable a drug addict the same way. You enable an affair by keeping a couples affair a secret. You enable an affair by supporting the fantasy world it needs to survive.
You enable yelling by replying to it. You enable violence by hitting back (read Ghandi's bio for the skinny on this one)
Don't enable destructive behaviour Buster, it will infuriate the addict, but its for their own damn good. The best thing to do is to withold all feelings and support.
Buster I suggest you go to your library and read some material on psychological addiction.
"Psychological dependency is a dependency of the mind, and leads to psychological withdrawal symptoms (such as cravings, irritability, insomnia, depression, anorexia, etc). Addiction can in theory be derived from any rewarding behaviour, and is believed to be strongly associated with the dopaminergic system of the brain's reward system (as in the case of cocaine and amphetamines). Some claim that it is a habitual means to avoid undesired activity, but typically it is only so to a clinical level in individuals who have emotional, social, or psychological dysfunctions (psychological addiction is defined as such), replacing normal positive stimuli not otherwise attained (see Rat Park)."
