I think EVERYBODY here in Piecing needs to go to Retro, Heck I think even happily married couples should go. I am very exhausted right now. I went through so many emotions this weekend I am drained. It is a good thing I took Monday off. Now the wife and I have not fixed anything yet except... our communications. WE ARE TALKING AND LISTENING to each other. I want so bad to rush ahead in this process but as the presenter said. "It took years for us to get to this point. We can't fix it overnight. I have seen so many positive changes with W. We still slept in separate beds this weekend but it still was very nice being in the same room at least. I did not hold back. I told my wife some things that I have been holding back for so long. She told me a few things. Even though my wife never said she was sorry for what she had done, through the exercises we did this weekend I know she is truly sorry for the hurt she has caused me. I know it was difficult for her to show up there. But she did. By her actions I know my W does want to try to make our marriage work, Thank you for all of the prayers that were said for me. I really do think God was listening. He has pointed my wife and me in the right direction. Now it is up to us to continue down the path. I just finished my NEW... 20 minute exercise with my wife on communicating that SHE initiated. We will be dedicating 20 minutes everyday to each other. We also have weekend meetings for the next 7 weeks. Tonight I have forgiven my wife for what she did. I told her I was opening up my heart to her. That I was making myself vulnerable again to her. I told her to please be careful the glue I used to mend my broken heart is not dry yet. What I did not tell her is that it is one thing to forgive. It’s another to forget. This I can never do. Need to get some sleep.
"Exploring our family Origin, Personality Type, And Relationship with God."
Things went pretty good. We had some questions we had to answer about what dinner time was like growing up, situations that we felt secure growing up things that made us insecure growing up and so on. Then we shared this with our spouses. Interesting how we value some things because that is how we grew up. I simple example is Dinner. I always ate dinner growing up at the dinner table with my family. We would not start eating until my dad showed up at the table. We ate what was put on our plate. My Wife does not ever remember eating at the dinner table. Her family ate where ever, in front of the TV, in the kitchen... where ever. So that is why I prefer the table and she really does not care. BUT....... We were supposed to choose to Change something we do and not tell our spouse what it was. Well I realized that My Wife has sat at the dinner table with me 12 times this last 2 weeks. (One day I was not home for dinner)...
There were more things but I don't want to take up your tread. I saw my is locked. Not sure if I am going to open another yet... Later
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I love hearing all your stories. Yes, I understood more about my relationship with my H after that session too. We were supposed to say how our family life was like our family of origin. I wrote on and on about how this family was like the family I grew up with, how it felt the same, we interacted the same, etc. My husband wrote that nothing about our family was like his family of origin. Whoops! That never occurred to me, that I had recreated my style of family and he felt excluded. Live and learn. I don't know that we have changed very much, but we try to make room for him to make choices in the home now.
My S24 is an interesting kid. Learned from the school of hard knocks. Dropped out of high school (against his parents' advice), had a DUI and went through rehab and lots of stuff with the law, and finally pulled himself out of his hole about 1 1/2 years ago. He got a job selling used cars and hung out with the owners at their houses. One of the owners left his wife and started dating strippers. (At least that's what she told me.) The wife is 36 and pretty with 2 kids. She takes up with S24. They date quietly for a couple of months, and then it's this big love thing, and the husband figures out who her BF is and fires S. So son is without a job and living in a nice highrise on the beach. She gets pregnant and they are talking about getting married when the divorce is final. Son is spending several nights a week at her house. They are in LOVE. She miscarries in October, but is pregnant again in April!
So son is struggling to make a living. He starts a business, and it gets a pretty good start, but it is slow. He buys her expensive jewelry and takes her out to concerts. She does not get a job, is just a soccer Mom. About a month ago she had a miscarriage. After that she starts being colder to him. He moves home to save money on rent. They break up and make up twice a week. So I ask what's wrong. He won't tell me. So I say, well, it's better for you this way. You are just starting a business, you're young and you don't need to be saddled with a wife and 2 kids. You can't support yourself yet. You certainly can't support her." So he blushes and says, "That's sort of what it's about."
DUH!!!! She took a year to figure out that a 24 year old kid with his first job, paid by the hour by her husband, and then fired, doesn't make enough to support her! She got pregnant not once, but twice, during this year trying to rope him in. And now she is rejecting him because he is Surprise!!! a 25 year old (today's his birthday) kid not yet supporting himself.
Now I'm angry because today is his birthday, and he went to spend the weekend with her, and she sent him home at 8:00 this morning, on his birthday. Who breaks up with someone on their birthday? Man she is a self-serving piece of work.
She treats him like he is toy she only plays with when she wants to. Seems like he is fun, then she tires of him. She forgets about him and then thinks "Gee, I haven't played with that toy in a while" She then starts playing with him and again thinks this toy isn't as great as I thought it was and back into the toy box he goes. Sad thing he isn't a doll, but a person with real feelings. She needs to grow up. What 36 year old woman acts like this? She is acting like she is 15!
I feel so badly for your son. Believe me I know exactly how he feels. I hate that he is so young and going through this. He has his whole life ahead of him and plenty of time to find that person that will love, cherish, and respect him. I'm sure she has created havoc with his self-esteem. It's sad how a person can do that to another.
I wish he was having a better b-day. As a mother, I know you are hurting so badly for him. It's bad enough when we hurt, but when our babies hurt it is so much worse!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
You hit the nail on the head. She does treat him like a toy she likes to play with and then put back in the box. Poor guy. Everyone needs to have that first love and get it out of their system. But it is hard watching my kids go through it. I remember when D23's first love broke up with her. She was suicidal! Luckily, she is easy for me to talk to. He shuts me out more. Now D23 survives very nicely without a boyfriend at all. It will be a long time before anyone captures her heart again. I hope S25 will grow from the experience. He can do better. By the way, I posted a photo of them in the alternate universe.
So he woke me up this morning and told me that he thinks everything is going to work out OK with the girlfriend. great. He spent his birthday in bed moping. He refused to go to dinner with us to celebrate, and even refused going to the store to buy clothes. (He loves new clothes.) But now everything's all better. I guess she saved money on giving him a birthday gift by breaking up with him for his birthday. His tenacity will get him nowhere.
