Im done.

[Frank V]

HI Blue.

My advice is for you to do what you are doing. It looks like its giving him some motivation to grow up a bit.

This doesn't have to mean reconcilliation. He really needs to have that growth period before you would want to do that anyways. DBing is a way to trigger that growth.

My guess is your actions are actually waking him up a bit. I would just keep at it. There's nothing here that indicates you are pushing him away from you, and eveyrthing to indicate he's feeling closer now...so why would you change your approach to something else at this point?

I would just keep a goin.

[Frank V]

I would make sure you don't say anything hurtful to him outright, just act happy like you said you were.

I really would reccomend not moving towards him right now, its a tough call I know, but it really sounds like the space you are putting between you two is having an impact. Throwing that space away to run to him likley isn't going to have the impact you want is my guess.

Also, if he's misreable around OW, then she won't want him around her either...the last thing you want to do is cheer him up so she will want him more.

I would leave him wrestle with his demons for a while. He doesn't sound like he's going anywhere in the next nine days.

[Kristen]

Bluerain,

I totally understand your pain, even though I wasn't given up for a woman, but for his job. I saw him this weekend and he looked horrible.

Even though our situations aren't exactly the same, you're struggles are given me strength. I feel a lot like you do. I would like an apology too but I don't know if I will get a real one. I am new to DBing but you are doing great.

[bluerain]

Ahh finally home! Its been an intense 2 days! Getting samples from dead whales, I am exhausted. On the way out there I sent a text to him saying that I wanted him to know that when I said that I feel better than I have in years, what I really meant was that I feel better than I have in a while. This afternoon when I got back in cell range he had sent me one that said hes glad Im feeling better and he really appreciated the clarification. I didnt respond. I think Ill just hang out, Im taking the papers to our m counselor next wed, he knows that Im doing it. I really want to ask him if this is still what he wants, but I dont want to push him away, so I wont...

I feel like seeing him cry set me back months! I was to a point that I hardly thought about him at all and now I cant stop thinking about him. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, I am more confused than ever!

[bluerain]

I am really trying to remind myself that just because their R ended does NOT mean that he wants to come home, and that I have to expect him to greive while he gets over thier R. How long? I have no idea. I have been in such a good place lately, I dont want to go back to what I was doing before. I absolutely would consider reconciliation, but I dont know if thats what he wants, I guess I should ask him, but Im not sure how, or when to do that, or should I just wait for him to come to me? I went on a date (it was great!), and I have another one tonite, I dont know if I can even go now. Its not right to be dating while I want to reconcile, but I dont want to let him make me stagnate again!?!?!?!? I need a freaking valium!

[beenthere]

I sometimes wonder now, if I hadn't gotten distracted at the exact time that XH was snapping out of his delerium, if we wouldn't still be together. And if we were, if it would be a good thing?

I was reading some old posts and seeing that XH was wanting to come home after moving out, living in a hotel, living with OW, moving home because his lease was up...how would things be different and would it be better or worse? I don't know, but I remember wishing I would have a crystal ball so I could see how it would all turn out. I sometimes think things happen the way they do for a reason.

If he wants to come home, will you be there? How will things be different this time? Does he have the patience to wait for you to be secure with him again? Do you have the strength to get through the uncertainty? What if, in the long run, your waiting another few weeks was what you needed to make it to the other side? What if you can look back, 20 years from now and know that you waited long enough to make the difference?

What if I'm Full of Shitake mushrooms?

[bluerain]

Bt, I absolutely feel like the other side is within sight, like its just over there, I can choose to keep going forward, or turn back.

I know that I can get through the uncertainty, and I know that we can repair our broken trust, but I need some kind of indication from him that he wants to. The thing is, he does not communicate, never has, it was one of our problems as a couple. Thats something that must be different if we have any chance at all, but I think that it is going to be something that keeps him from asking to come home, or trying to talk to me at all about repairing the damage done. Im not sure if I want to conquer that. I dont want to force him to talk to me, then just have him clam up in 4 months and have this all start over again!

Hes gone for 6 more days, and when he gets back hes supposed to bring me a handgun, I want him to show me how to use it and clean it, that should be a good, light interaction. Im not sure if I should pack anymore of his crap, it seems to make him pretty sad, so I think that Ill stop until I talk to him again.

[bluerain]

I sent him a text that said "Thank you for the apology the other day. I needed to hear it." Then today he sent me one that said "I think I needed it too." I dont know if I should respond, or how to. Im just sooo confused. I wish I knew what was going through his head.

Really, taking the papers to our counselor is a 180 for me, Im sort of afraid to do it, I think that the process of going through the papers with her really has the potential to make me very sad.

[bluerain]

I hate this! I think Im burnt out. Im really trying to keep moving forward, I think that Im going to have to drop my classes this fall, I just dont think Im up to it. This will also give me a chance to get used to having to pay the mortgage and all the bills by myself. I have to figure out whats going on in my life.

I found myself getting really angry with him again. I had told myself I couldnt hate him for trying to make himself happy, even if I didnt agree with how he was going about it. I was still sad and upset, but at least I didnt have carry that anger with me. Now that hes going through whatever it is hes going through, Ive become very angry with him again. I hate that hes making me a divorcee, I hate that hes made me a weak person, I hate that hes causing me pain and loss, that he has set me back so much!

I told him that he was going to regret doing this, I told him that divorce was not the way to go about this, I promised him that it wouldnt be worth it! And now hes apologizing and crying, all I can think is "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" I want him to hurt, I want him to feel just part of what hes put me through, I want to see HIM on the floor sobbing so hard he cant move, I want him to tell ME that he just wants someone to make him feel safe again. I want him to look desperately at me for some kind of help, just a touch on the arm was all I wanted, and I want to turn away and leave him there watching me go. I want to assure him that hes going to be ok and feed him bull$hit lines about how hes strong enough to make it through this and he will move on and be happy. I want him to tell me that hes not ok!

I hate feeling like this.

[bluerain]

Well, tomorrow I take the papers to the counselor. I have to keep moving forward, and I really think that this is part of my recovery, just taking some sort of control in what is happening, after he decided to change the rules. I really want to ask him if this is still what he wants. I dont know anymore, but I am certainly on my way to wanting it. I just want this to be over. One way or another, I am ready to recover. I dont know how tomorrow is going to go, hes still gone, and I havent talked to him for a few days, so I dont know if he remembers that Im taking them in or not.