Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

Ok-not sure if today was a success or a failure. Would love to hear some thoughts...

We ended up meeting at a restaurant instead of the house. This was fine. Topics were fine, a few mentions of the future budget-and the usual let's just see. We walked back to the house together for me to pick up some stuff. I took the dogs on a walk for about 20 minutes, while he just watched tv. I tried sitting by him but after about 1 minute I could see him tensing up. So I just said I was leaving in a few minutes, and went to pack a few things.I then came back and sat down to tell him about my planned dates for flying to Poland. He's going on a business trip Monday, so asked if I'd be coming Monday to stay. He's leaving at 3 PM or so, but as it's a holiday, I mentioned I'd hoped to come earlier to do some laundry and such. This seemed fine, but then I mentioned doing lunch-twice. The usual we'll see, and I even offered to text before coming to see if I should pick anything up. I know this was a mistake. He hugged me goodbye, not much of a hug. I gave him a 2nd hug, then out of habit went to give him a kiss-he turned so I only got his cheek. Then-the worst-I asked if he'd had a nice time at lunch today. He said yes, but who knows. Can't believe I said this...anyway when I left I just asked if he'd email me some show he's downloading, and said I hoped he had a good day tomorrow (he's going climbing). He said he'd be on Skype later anyway. So the end was light and normal, but I think I might have overdone it a bit at the house...

ITH