You know bt, there was a time when I dreaded the day when I would be divorced and have to say it out loud. I remember the first time I ever had to check marital status after my divorce. I went home and cried and cried.
Fast forward 1 year and 6 months. I speak with people from all over the country on a daily basis and inevitably (because of my Boston accent)they ask how a nice girl from Boston ended up in Central Illinois. Now it doesn't bother me in the least and I tell them more than they ever wanted to know. The weird thing is that if I am speaking with another woman she can also trade war stories. If it hasn't happened to her then her sister or brother or best friend have gone through the samething. Sadly it's all too common.
At the rate we're going it could someday seem weird to admit you're married!
Karma.... Karma.. Karma.... Comes back to bite him on the a$$...
As for the D thing... I found some women who actually argued with me about why I got Ded...... They flat out said I MUST be lying... A woman would NEVER leave her M if you did not have an A AND you wanted to work on the M........ These women must have lead very sheltered lives...
NMD
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 08/01/0807:49 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Bethie, I found myself telling a store clerk why I was in town. "Well, you'll never see me again, so, as part of the divorce decree I have to meet my X here to exchange children." But to tell D6's friend's mom that we're divorced, that's another story. Fear of being judged, I guess.
So, is queenie gonna follow you over here and give us the business?
I hope you have a great weekend too! Drinking a little Menage a Trois this evening, sittin on the deck overlooking the lake. Ah, live is good.
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
Starshyne...I said the same thing to him. "Ok, you realize that it's hard for me to hear you declaring your love for this woman, right?" He told me he'd stop if it bothered me, but he didn't have anyone else to talk to. Ha ha. Seems funny, all the times I felt so isolated during my marriage, now, I have friends I can rely on, talk to, seek out for support, and he is so alone.
NMD, did you bring up Karma?
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
It appears it is taking a huge bite out of Starshyne's exH's butt!!!!
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
I still feel like I'm somehow tainted because I'm divorced. Isn't that weird?
Anyone else have a hard time with this? What do you do about it?
Your subject caught my eye and I have to admit I have not yet read through the whole thread. I hope this hasn't already been discusssed. I just wanted to ask what you use for a "title". I kept my married name, but I am not really MRS anymore. Miss or MS feels wierd. I still will refer to my ex as my H in a conversation when I am talking to most people out of habit more than trying to deceive.....I was married 30 years so it is a hard habit to break. (D'd only 4 months).
Oh, I'm not Mrs., certainly not Miss...I guess I leave it blank or choose Ms, just because that's all that's left, but I hate Ms. No, we hadn't talked about that yet. How about Madame? Senora? Maybe not.
As for XH, usually I say something like "their dad" or I use his name. It's funny, I think about this once in a while. I feel like people, if I tell them I'm divorced, they expect me to bash my X. Most of my comments are very neutral though. Maybe that's why they don't automatically assume we're divorced, just geographically separated.
One day, a while ago, he called me to tell me that his gf had read an email I had sent him asking how he was. Just as part of the "when are you going to see the kids again" email. She took that question as me interfering in their lives. So, he called to ask me if he could send me a nasty email asking me to stay out of his f'n life and I should mind my own business. Keep all emails to strictly regarding the children, blah blah blah. Then he asked me if I could respond with something nasty in return so that she would know that I'd gotten his email. I fired one back, unleashing some previously restrained garbage...he called me the next day to ask if I really felt that way. "sometimes" lol
So, a good friend suggested that I am too close to their situation and that I should step back, for my own protection, because he felt there would be an explosion of cr@p and I should stay as far away as possible. Gee, that helps explain why I have a hard time with the divorce explanation. Maybe I'm still too involved in his life, even though he's the one telling me all about it, he feels that he has to hide that part from his gf. He was always good at being sneaky, I guess
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
I never knew women automatically considered the woman to be at some sort of fault in the divorce. I have always considered it to be the man's fault for some reason. In fact most of my friends who have gotten divorced are at fault. One left his W+3 kids for his secretary, the other was a womanizer throughout their relationship and marriage, and the other that comes to mind was an alcoholic who had been through several rehab stints before his exW had enough and left with their kid. Thankfully he has been sober for ~ 14 years and is remarried with two more kids.
At least I can hold my head up knowing that my W left me due, I believe, to MLC-related issues and not for anything major on my part (abuse, addictions, etc..), but like many of the women on this thread, I would guess that I am being wrongly judged by some. Regardless, there is only one judge who really matters.
Received my Quadro papers this weekend - very depressing.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
I thought of you the other night while I was speaking to my daughter. She had been in a wedding last winter for a friend from school. I remember feeling so sad for my baby because here she was in this big deal wedding, with the bride being surrounded by her loving family. Just as it should be or so I thought.
Anyway, this girl had just done something really nice for my daughter and I commented on what a good friend she was. My daughter agreed and said that she wished I could meet her friends MOM because being with her was like being with me (she means crazy and out of control). She said that friends Mom makes her laugh all of the time. Then she said, "Friend's Mom went through the samething with her Dad as you did with mine". In my mind I had envisioned the ideal when in reality the friend and her fiance' had paid for the whole thing and almost didn't invite the Dad. Her Mom walked her down the isle but my daughter had never mentioned this until the other night.
So you see, we think everyone else's life is so happy and normal, but what's closer to the truth is everybody has something.
