sorry for going dark on you. I kept reading your threads, just couldn't bring myself to post.
Here is my update.
I have daily interactions with H. I call, he calls. We speak about D17 and her college and the details of our move. He sounds warm and friendly but shuts down when/if I bring up our R. Today I called and there was OW's damn dog barking! I asked: is she there? He said yes. I couldn't help it and asked him if he's going to decide anything EVER. He said,yes, I will, please wait, I'm coming in 19 days and we'll sort it out, I promise. At this point I'm so tired of being patient and waiting and validating his inept conduct, I'm feeling drained.
I spent the whole week praying, asking for clarity. I'm just hoping that my prayers will be answered soon.
He is planning my move back home AND he's carrying on with Spider at the same time. Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option. How true!
Sorry for venting again:)
Last edited by stella_k; 08/01/0807:21 PM.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
It must be so hard being in this position. You're doing an excellent job- just keep going and be patient for a while longer. Just a little while- 18 days from tomorrow. It's a drop in the ocean compared to all the time so far, right?
Oh, and if H withdraws from the R talks you know what to do......stop initiating them! You be the fun, non-pressure one. Let her self-implode.
At this point I'm so tired of being patient and waiting and validating his inept conduct, I'm feeling drained.
((((((Oh Stella)))))) I so know what you are going through. The only difference is that you and H will finally be together in a couple of weeks which is not my case. It is obviously very difficult for the MLCer to be alone. Once H has you with him, he'll untangle himself from the spider's web. H has chosen YOU not Spider.
BTW don't apologize for venting - this is the one place to do just that.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Stellitsa mou, you are right to feel this way. BUT, you also have a goal. And to get to your goal you need to go on being patient, and strong and smart. You can do this. Love K
Once H has you with him, he'll untangle himself from the spider's web. H has chosen YOU not Spider.
That's what he said before he left, Addie, but now I started having serious doubts about it. He wouldn't say anything of the sort ,at least not recently, unless he's forced to (and I've tried to pull it out of him couple of times, stupid me). The truth is, I have NO IDEA what he's going to tell me and in my heart I know that this time I'll walk if he continues with "I don't know"s. Hence full panick mode.
Kalni, I don't want to be strong, I want to lie down and wimper and moan and complain! But I promise to try my best not to:)
There I go again, counting down: 18 days.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
It's me, suzanne, and yes, I changed my screen name. Just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for you. I'm all moved in back home now, and H suspects it, but I haven't told him. LOL.
I will visit your thread soon (love you new name ).
Journaling:
H has called, we spoke for about half an hour. He sounded nervous, I was trying my best to be calm and upbeat and I think I was successful. Nothing really negative, but I don't like the feeling in my gut. May be I'm just getting paranoid there. What if he's going to choose her and dump me in the end? Better not to think about it...
In 18 days I will know for sure.
Can't wait .
((((HUGS)))) everyone.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
).
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