just a refresher, i don't want this letter to go away just yet [quote]W, I want you to know that I'm writing this with no expectations. I don't expect you to respond to this. I wanted to take the chance to tell you what has been on my heart lately. First off, I need to apologize to you. I respectfully and sincerely apologize for hurting you in any way, shape or form. My intent was never to hurt you ever. I was not the husband to you that you deserved. How I went from being the guy I was when we met, to the guy I turned into, I am not sure. A lot of withheld emotion is what I think. I was always the type to hold all emotions in until the boiling point. When my dad died, I held it all in, and never really got in touch with those feelings until I was in my 20's. I know this is no excuse for my actions and I take full responsibility for the man I was.
In the past 2 months, I have gone and revealed myself to people like never before. The anger that controlled me for so long has gone away. I’ve been able to step back from it and see my life in a clearer light. How could I possibly be angry when I have such a great wife, dogs, cats, family, job and friends (save a few)? Life is way too short to be angry.
I now see that I was often dishonest with you and took advantage of you. That was selfish, and I understand why you are angry, and I don't blame you for being angry for even a moment. I wasn't aware that whatever I did, would affect the both of us and had I done so, I could have seen that you loved me regardless.
You supported me, and never held me back. I should have done a better job at supporting your endeavors. I know how hard you work and how much you wanted your business. I am very, very proud of you.
You were my heart and soul for 4 years. I enjoyed traveling with you, living with you, and loving you. You taught me a lot about things I never knew. You showed me new places and introduced me to new people, and I am so appreciative of that.
I am a better person for having shared my life with you. I am working on continuing to better myself. I have "me" until the end of time, and if I am not happy with myself, I will never be truly happy. Going to the gym and doing yoga is something I should have started long ago. It completely takes all the stress out of my day and translates into positive energy. I have gotten out any dishonesty from my past. Nothing but the truth from now on.
Hey (((Sawks))) Enjoy some time for you! Just because you are by yourself does not mean you can't DB, after all GAL is one of the biggest DB factors!!! You can read a book, watch television without having to fight over the remote, walk around the house naked, whatever you choose!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
oooh I like the walking around naked option..too bad I have a 6 YO
Lolas right Red...you can do things for you even if not around a group of friends. I'm enjoying a glass of wine now while checking in on all you guys. And that's ok with me.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Hey (((Sawks))) Enjoy some time for you! Just because you are by yourself does not mean you can't DB, after all GAL is one of the biggest DB factors!!! You can read a book, watch television without having to fight over the remote, walk around the house naked, whatever you choose!!!
W is going to a house warming a few houses down tomorrow, she got her booze (i was always the one that brought booze)..now i won't touch the stuff.. but kind of dumb of me, she will be having a great time real closeby.. i was supposed to be going to that party..
oooh I like the walking around naked option..too bad I have a 6 YO
Lolas right Red...you can do things for you even if not around a group of friends. I'm enjoying a glass of wine now while checking in on all you guys. And that's ok with me.
I ended up watching a movie.. W came home, she watched it with me , i am not feeling good tonight.. won't get into details let's just say i have spent alot of time on the can tonight ..lol..
but i see what you are saying.. i guess fatigue is hitting me yet again.. i had a very hard workout today and it has wiped me out
It looks like you are getting some good signs...(her staying to watch a movie with you?)
We live in the same house, due to a lousy market.. so it happens often.. only difference is we sit on different couches now, where as we used to sit together.
Some things.. i pay for her gym membership/health benefits/ today i grabbed groceries (she drinks 1% milk and i drink skim, so 2 jugs).. and so on
She pays for my cell phone ..which i am trying to decide if i should change the plan so she can't see my calls etc..
lots to think about, someone told me a few months ago, this would be a roller coaster.. man they hit the nail right on the head..
