Anxiously awaiting long term Patience!!

[JWS]

Hey guys today was so great!! We had such a fantastic time, she was so talkative all day, we went to the movies and shared popcorn and a soda, plus she keep leaning over to talk to me and she never does that. She also mentioned that she thought that the movie from last week was very cute. She used we and us a bunch of time and not just with me but with some of my friends. She even had a strange but good dream about me last night and shared that with me. No R, L or M talks at all. Little bit of school talk, i let her know i was proud and supportive that seemed to be well received. Lots of listening noises from me.

One set back though, here goes. in the book Michelle talks about being nice to service people you interact with so your S can see that you treat everyone well. I have been great at this, in fact i have really enjoyed taking time to talk to random people and she has noticed that. Today was the opposite. A shop manager gave me a quote for work on her car that i felt was way way way out to lunch and over the phone I told him off.

When I hung up on him she was almost in tears, she was discussed at what a horrible person I am. she had this hurt look like just when I start to like you, you show your true side. I instantly went back to speaking softly and deliberately, I apologized to her a few times but it was not working. She said a few mean things and I let them go. I let it all settle for a few mins. Then I said i know that was out of line but please don't judge me or say that is how i am because you really don't see the person i am. When you do see me, you know that is not what you get.

I could tell she kind of agreed but it was at the point where my words no longer mattered. so time for actions. I picked up the phone and called him back. I gave him a very heartfelt apology, and explained that i felt it was to high, by the end of the conversation we were joking with each other he accepted my apology and said he understood my opinion too, and we parted way. i got off the phone and she looked at me and said "thank you for that" the rest of the day, she just kept on bringing up great conversation and i kept listening.

got kind of a half hearted hug as i went off to bed and she went to play her game for the night. I know we have such an up hill road ahead of us but tonight I feel great and will cherish this for a long time. I still have no expectations of her and know where I need to keep myself mentally so all is well for today. Except i need a cold shower, did I mention what a hot W, i have and that does not really help.