Divorcebusting does NOT mean being a doormat. It means establishing civil behaviour in an uncivil time. Establishing new temporary boundaries, rules of play, etc until something changes.
Sometimes doing something will be good for the two of you but it will really piss her off in the short term. Do you think my wife was happy I confronted her about her affair? No she was angry. Do you think my wife was happy when i installed sw on her PC to track everything she typed so I had PROOF she was cheating? No She was furious.
Do you think it helped? YES!!! It trashed her fantasy. She had to deal with the change. SECRETS are AROUSING. So is the forbidden.
You told your wife not to use your house as her playground. Guess where she found it most exciting to meet the OM? Your house.
Loving your spouse somtimes means ripping the bottle out of her hands. Sometimes loving your spouse means NOT supporting her addictive habits. Sometimes loving your wife means loving YOURSELF enough NOT to let her USE YOU.
All of these loving acts are LONG TERM investments. She will be angry in the short term, but in the long term it stirs things up.
Don't PURSUE her, and DO be civil where you can, but you don't have to tolerate being used if it means you enabling her affair.
I am not saying she will be happy, and I am not saying it will necessarily help your marraige. But right now the OM is taking a sledgehammer to it and you moving in may just change things in a way that ends up with HIM tossing her out or HER waking up to his childishness.
A LOT of crap happens when couples get close in a practical context. Particularly with the stress sof a child. You are sparing her that by letting her live in your home so she just visits him when she feels like it or he visits her.
My vote is for you to move back in and show her that you arne't a door mat. She will likley be angry, but this will also VERY LIKELY SHAKE UP the AFFAIR that is going on.
You are forcing reality onto her and THAT forces the FANTASY of the AFFAIR OUT.
If you want to keep letting her sit around and dream and cheat you can, but what you are doing isn't helping.
You will see your son less, or you may see him more. If SHE has to come up with other living arrangements that child may just start to look inconvenient.
Its a tough call, but I say move in, turn the house upside down so she wont' want to use it anymore.
The advantage of hte house was she had memories of you and her there, she's taking OM there to REPLACE those. Get her and him out of there and force them to deal with reality.
And I find it hard to believe you cant find anyone who would be willing to live in your home rent free and support you by harassing your wife if she lives there. Again rent FREE.
