OK Buster, we are gonna say this once and only once more.
1. You say you have tried being cold? You say you have tried detaching? [censored]. You detach and watch her like a hawk agonizing over every eyeblink she makes. That is NOT detaching.
2. You moving into that house isn't to get you closer to her. You moving in there is to shake up HER LIFE a bit and to give you some CONFIDENCE. Have you ever thought that if SHE had to leave becuase you moved in the following might happen :
a. She might move in with OM, learn that he's not a fantasy anymore and is actually a lazy pig who never cleans his home, etc.
b. She might go to OM and whine and play the victim and expect him to provide everything for her, and HE might decide that HE doens't want her if HE has to pay for her support. YOU are paying for her right now, and HE gets to enjoy it. CHANGE that by moving in. Of course she will move out. It SHAKES the situation up...it MIGHT produce a positive change LONG TERM.
c. YOU will likely get confidence knowing YOU have taken YOUR HOME back. YOU will know YOUR HOME is safe from getting violated by the OM. All this crap she is doing is affecting your JUDGEMENT and MOOD. Moving in will HEAL that and give you some strength to FIGHT longer. INFIDELITY BEATS up the betrayed spouse. You have to fight back and avoid being a doormat or you will get depressed and just give in and let her throw you around.
3. HIRE a BABYSITTER for NIGHTS at YOUR HOME. AS SandS SAID - REMOVE ALL THE DAMN DOORS. MAKE your HOME once you move in UNINVITING FOR HER TO STAY THERE. The object is to FORCE some REALITY ON HER. You are FEEDING her FANTASY by letting her live in your home with OM. CUT OFF THE fantasy and the AFFAIR VERY OFTEN ENDS or at least becomes less rampant.
4. THIS phase of the infidelty involves forcing some REALITY on your spouse. she WONT LIKE THAT. But it DOES put a SERIOUS DENT in the AFFAIR. She ends up seeing OM more, realizing he's NOT some movie star. Right now you are helping her to continue this silly fantasy with no end in site. You NEED to end the fantasy here. YOU CAN do that. She won't like it, she will end up disliking BOTH of you. Which is better than the situation is now.
5. My GUESS is that YOU being MISERABLE and falling apart is NOT allealing to her..so you are already annoying her. You need to realise that BEFORE SHE COMES BACK she is GOING to have to get REALLY MAD at you...its an unavoidable stage of this mess. We have all been through it. We changed locks, packed our spouses things, told all her friends, her workplace, everyone about what she's doing and humiliated her to people etc. It all is part of the process.
Right now the OW does NOT see any damage done. Most OFTEN DAMAGE is what wakes them up.
Want toknow what got MY WIFE to end her affair? I got FIRED. SHE WAS PISSED, but she ended her affair becuase she knew it had alot to do with it.
YOU are working and supporting her drug habit. Take back your home, let her get mad, let her move out, and cut off the damn support.
You CAN HIRE someone to watch your son overnight, you dont HAVE to hand him over to a cheating wife who has no maturity. NO COURT would award her custody with her behaviour.
If your lawyer keeps telling you its hopeless, get another lawyer.
