I was going to bed, glad I saw this. FINALLY a discussion. And you know what? I expected her to be mean. She wasn't (much). she cried? WOW!!! Jeff, I need to hear more but I think you really need to stop assuming she doesn't care... More tomorrow? (my tomorrow?) Love & Hugs K
She said she wasn't miserable, in response to something I said about things needing to change, since we were miserable. Which might be an improvement over the desperately unhappy she claimed some years ago.
It's not just financial. She needs things ordered, and organized. Not quite OCD, but that direction. I take things as they come, I can live with clutter, and disorganization. I usually know where the stuff I want is, and it really doesn't bother me. And, we do deal with the kids differently, though I'm not sure that is a bad thing, all the time.
There was some good stuff in there, though not so much the bit about, "can I have a divorce", and then "I don't know if I'll ever want to work on the marriage."
The funny part about Disney is that she hates the place! So go figure on that one!
I also got a haircut today, I either look younger, or ridiculous. I have to get a pic! I don't think she likes it, S18 says it's ridiculous, S10 was more polite!
Wow, I am nearly speechless. Amazing that this conversation took place and that it was initiated by her!!!! And that she cried!!!
I'm actually kind of stumped for what to say.. all that's coming to my head is "wow"... the conversation has been coming for so long and for it to come completely out of the blue like that has just shocked the heck out of me. I think you handled it great.
I hope you're doing alright. And I'm sure the haircut looks great.
She said she wasn't miserable, in response to something I said about things needing to change, since we were miserable. Which might be an improvement over the desperately unhappy she claimed some years ago.
It's not just financial. She needs things ordered, and organized. Not quite OCD, but that direction. I take things as they come, I can live with clutter, and disorganization. I usually know where the stuff I want is, and it really doesn't bother me. And, we do deal with the kids differently, though I'm not sure that is a bad thing, all the time.
Got to go!
So what can you do to make her happier in this arena?
Show with those things that you care. I'm sure you've already done some.....and I'm sure you would like her to see that these things don't matter, that people do.
But your ability to change in this matter may speak volumes to her.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Hey Jeff, how are you my friend. I just wanted to say that I think you are ok. You handled that well. I know it is frustrating for you to have her answer that way about what she wants done in the yard. I am sure whatever you would have done, she would have complained about.
But more importantly, the crying. Obviously, she wasnt crying about going to Disney. Could it be that she was heard? Or that maybe she feels overburdened by the finances and having heard that she could go was a bit of a relief?
I am a go with the flow kinda girl and I dont sweat the small stuff but I do like things in order. That is obviously very important to her. So, you have to decide if you could change those things permanently about yourself. Because it is just going to keep getting in the way.
Well, you got started. Let's see where this convo leads you. You did well, though. Good for you!
Well, I have to say, I honestly think that was a positive interaction. I wonder if she asked for a divorce just to see what you would say. The fact that she cried is a good indication that she still cares for you a great deal. It is almost like there is a chink in the armor, and she let a little bit of herself through. This is a very positive first step.
Now, I am so positive you already know all this, but baby steps. I think you have the DBing down, and I am glad that it seems like maybe your W is starting to open up a little bit! Take it slow...
(((Jeffie Poo)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Sheesh I loose internet connection and then when I check in you've had the conversation. Ali was right about the eclipse for you and the convo.
I think you can use this convo as an invite to dinner. Tell her you want to talk about everything that's been going on for a long time and you'd like to do that without the kids around.
Be honest, be sincere but most of all be you.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
