"So she just called me and basically wants me to close our joint account and for me to cover the mortgage that is due tomorrow and that she just walks away from all of our marital obligations prior to any settlement or judgement. I had to inform her of the facts so now I am manipulative."
Well the first thing is you can't close the joint account.. both of you will have to go to the bank and have it closed together.. Do not do this unless specifically directed by your L.
As far as the mortgage.. and her new lease.. its easy to make plans if you can just walk away from things. She is responsible for whatever bills are due now.. just like you.. whatever debt.. you have right now.. she shares in.. sucks she had to learn about it now. If she thinks it is manipulative.. let her.
Don't let this phase you. It does bring about a bit of a slap in the face though doesn't it. It just shows how much thought is really happening in her mind right now.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
"Well the first thing is you can't close the joint account.. both of you will have to go to the bank and have it closed together.. Do not do this unless specifically directed by your L.
Yep. And the worst thing she can do is to withdraw funds without my consent...dissipation of assets and extraordinary expenses that are in violation of the temp restraining order. Going to come back and bite her.
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
"As far as the mortgage.. and her new lease.. its easy to make plans if you can just walk away from things. She is responsible for whatever bills are due now.. just like you.. whatever debt.. you have right now.. she shares in.. sucks she had to learn about it now. If she thinks it is manipulative.. let her.
With this I said, "if you don't believe me, call your L." I am sick of her viewing me as manipulative.
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
"Don't let this phase you. It does bring about a bit of a slap in the face though doesn't it. It just shows how much thought is really happening in her mind right now.
She is so focused on getting out it is silly...it just makes me sad. She did catch me off guard though. I think reality is slowly starting to creep in on her.
Well, I need to leave and go get balloons for 4d birthday and some stuff to grill out. Another fun talk hopefully after the celebration. Can't wait
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Well the first thing is you can't close the joint account.. both of you will have to go to the bank and have it closed together.. Do not do this unless specifically directed by your L.
Not necessarily.
You should be able to close the account if you wish depending on what your banks terms are. A lot of banks will give either party the option regardless of who is listed as primary. In fact, many don't even consider either party a primary. Either or has full control of the account and can withdrawal and close it at any time. The only time you need both parties to sign off on something is when you want to remove a name from the account.
I just did it for two joint accounts due to Ws gambling. I closed both and opened new ones in only my name. And one account had W as primary.
Check your bank and you'll probably be under similar terms with your accounts.
If you do do that your W will probably flip out so keep that in mind.
My W had a hissy fit, but I could care less what she feels or thinks anymore. She is in her own world and I refuse to be a part of any of her ridiculous drama.
All I can say is protect yourself.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
I kept the joint account and opened a separate account in my name only. I've removed most of the funds from the joint account...just in case my H decides he needs furniture for his new place or something...and I'm paying the bills from the other one. Anyway, that's an option too if you can't close the joint account.
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
So, my live in WAW is now just a WAW. Is that a demotion or a promotion? Not sure and don't care. But I do know that any respect I had for her will be hard for her to gain back.
She was so distant for 4d birthday celebration tonight. Didn't buy her any gifts, not even a card. Luckily I was prepared for this and made no mention to W of this shortcoming on her part. But okay. Maybe she's planning something this weekend at her new place for her. I can buy that...just tell me. Don't take it out on my d.
But that isn't even the worst of it. During dinner 2s was crying over something silly. Her way of calming him down was asking him if we was upset that it was 4d birthday and he said yes. Her response floored me. She said do you want me to take it away from her...WTF? At that point 4d broke down in tears and W had major damage to undo. Unbelievable.
Then, during gift opening my W answered some txts, laid down on the couch and fell asleep...while d was still opening gifts!
Only thing I can say is unbelievable.
After all of that, she went to the drugstore to pick up some epi pens for 2s for her to have at her place and forgot to get the milk.
In anycase, she did some more packing, we talked about custody so her l can get the settlement drawn up and over to my l, talked about the money she needs and so forth. She finished getting her stuff together and left for the evening. She isn't coming home tonight and will be moving out tomorrow.
And for some strange reason I don't care.
Of course now, my DBing will be changing to account for the new living arrangement but probably not by much.
The sun is setting and all I can think about is how much I have enjoyed watching sunsets with a magarita in hand. Sunsets are beautiful, romantic, calming and after a period of rest returns as a new day that is bright and rising.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
So, my live in WAW is now just a WAW. Is that a demotion or a promotion? Not sure and don't care. But I do know that any respect I had for her will be hard for her to gain back.
She was so distant for 4d birthday celebration tonight. Didn't buy her any gifts, not even a card. Luckily I was prepared for this and made no mention to W of this shortcoming on her part. But okay. Maybe she's planning something this weekend at her new place for her. I can buy that...just tell me. Don't take it out on my d.
But that isn't even the worst of it. During dinner 2s was crying over something silly. Her way of calming him down was asking him if we was upset that it was 4d birthday and he said yes. Her response floored me. She said do you want me to take it away from her...WTF? At that point 4d broke down in tears and W had major damage to undo. Unbelievable.
Then, during gift opening my W answered some txts, laid down on the couch and fell asleep...while d was still opening gifts!
Only thing I can say is unbelievable.
After all of that, she went to the drugstore to pick up some epi pens for 2s for her to have at her place and forgot to get the milk.
In anycase, she did some more packing, we talked about custody so her l can get the settlement drawn up and over to my l, talked about the money she needs and so forth. She finished getting her stuff together and left for the evening. She isn't coming home tonight and will be moving out tomorrow.
And for some strange reason I don't care.
Of course now, my DBing will be changing to account for the new living arrangement but probably not by much.
The sun is setting and all I can think about is how much I have enjoyed watching sunsets with a magarita in hand. Sunsets are beautiful, romantic, calming and after a period of rest returns as a new day that is bright and rising.
Chris
you're doing good Chris, keep going. Take care of the business at hand. Your W is screwed up now. Documnet the stuff about the kids and her interactions.
You and the kids will be ok Chris..you're doing good.
Thanks Mike! Like FG asked me yesterday "So DB works?"...absolutely. There is still a long road ahead for me and the kids and they way I am looking at it now, the more stable and positive I am about me, the easier it will be to be the confident and involved parent which they will not only need but the sitch requires for the next 15+ years. The journey is just beginning in that regard and I am looking forward to it. And what's interesting, if you sit back and reflect on what MWD teaches, the core of DB can be applied along this journey as well.
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Take care of the business at hand.
Doing this in a manner that hopefully will keep things from getting out of control and W and I have agreed to something that I can live with. I was reflecting last night, is sacrificing 5 to 10% of the time with the kids worth keeping things civil? She only wants shared residence with me at 35% as opposed to the 42% that I want. Only a one day a month difference and it's all about the money to her as our state allows for c/s abatement with shared residence. I can have the kids more if I want but she needs the c/s at that level I guess. And she agreed to no alimony but she wouldn't get that anyway. I have ammo for the hearing on the 14th and don't want to use it. Would rather keep it tucked in the file.
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Your W is screwed up now. Document the stuff about the kids and her interactions.
It is amazing how screwed up she is. Her thinking, her priorities etc. You know, I woke up this morning, got the kids ready, fed them and was thinking how my D probably doesn't remember this morning how distant W was last night during the family party nor the statement W made to 2S about taking away her birthday...but you know, later in life, it's going to be remembered. So all of that from yesterday is documented.
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
You and the kids will be ok Chris..you're doing good.
Thanks again for the assurances. All of the kind words just increases my overall confidence about the sitch.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
So W took possession of her new place today and called to tell me and also let me know that she didn't have anytime to think about the shared residence plan but will on Sunday. She also said everything was overwhelming which is why she couldn't think. I just listend and validated.
Silly me forgot the diaper bag so I'll have to swing by the house while she is moving crap out. Hopefully I'll get there before her friends show up. Taking the kids over to a friends for dinner until she's done and then we I get back, my friends will help me move some stuff around (bringing up the antique dining room table and a couch from downstairs/storage). Not too concerned about not being at the house while she's doing this. Some may disagree but everything is replacable and I already know what things should be where and will be checking tonight and tomorrow to make sure they are still in place.
So, first night without W in the house ,actually not, LOL, but the first official night of her being moved out. And I have no feelings about it whatsoever. Not overly joyous about it because of the kids and not sad at all. Just sort of glad the day is here and almost over with.
I am looking forward to tomorrow as she'll have the kids over at her place and I can finally GAL for the first time in about 2 weeks (okay, I did go to the racetrack last Saturday evening but that was only a few hours). Going to do my chores, play some golf and go out to dinner with some friends. Will probably come home and blast my music that she never liked and shoot pool downstairs. It'll be fun.
So, off to pick up the diaper bag. But one more thought, today was the first day where I actually felt like I was back to normal at work and have felt great all day...and thanks to the WAW weight loss program, I also have not looked this great in years. Ha! Should be a great weekend. Take care everyone and I'll be back on later tonight after I get the kids in bed.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
"and thanks to the WAW weight loss program, I also have not looked this great in years. Ha!"
That's Funny!
Yeah, that's great! Not to mention how to gray hair I've added makes me look more distinguished.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
