H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

So I decided to set some boundaries, mostly for me, to help to detach.

Things like

- I won't assume he'll be here in the evenings unless he says so, won't cook or get food for him

- No flirting/inappropriate touching

- if we are having a conversation about R or the children, no texting or taking calls from others (ie her)

- can't have an EA with him

- separate beds (have made up mattress on the floor)

He went upstairs, saw the mattress, and freaked out! Why did I need to do that? Why was it a problem for me? It's not a problem for him! Really cross with me!! He said he might as well just move out now... (eh?) What was the point in coming home at weekends? (uh, for the children?!) He said that seeing as his gf has just had an operation (ie no sex) and we're not close (ie no sex) he's had time to be alone and think, and weigh things up (H does a scales movement with his hands)...

Weigh up what?? Whether he wants to be here or not?? It seems it is ok for H to move on with his life (as in gf) but not for me (as in separate beds). All of a sudden he is showing some emotion - the first time really... Maybe the thought of being with only one woman (ie no EA with me) is too frightening for him?!

**lightbulb goes on**

Of course, because seeing someone else isn't detaching from me, is it? He's been seeing someone else and me for a long time. If I am now visibly detaching from him, it's freaking him out.

Well well.