Not sure why I've waited so long to come here

[Snow White]

Lola, I think I have been told my H was a cake eater since day one, and for so long i believed him when he told me she was "just a friend" and there was only one lone mistake. And i believed him that there was no "affair phone" and I was stupid enough to be comforted the few times I confronted her and she verified his stories - my thought if she wanted him wouldn't she want to upset me rather than soothe me?? All the people on the board told me. But I couldn;t see it and I was wrong, I was cake. I was the biggest piece of cake there was for so many months, I think La Senza(a lingerie store in Canada) set a new sales record, and my H ate it up. And strangley I had this confidence even though I knew my H cheated on me "once" because OW is obese and unattractive and I am not, I felt like look at me, I am what you want. But I was cake.

I was so stupid. I am trying so hard not to be cake now. I have not had sex with him in a month, a month today actually, there has really been no physical contact at all and this is the first time since I learned of the affair. The locks, it is hard, my BIL rushed over to do it for me the first time and within days H had the keys, cuase I was niave. I can't do it myself and I am embarassed to ask again. I am hoping the more I talk to H about it the more he will understand my side. I don't want him to be my enemy, before this he was my best friend.