I'll sail this ship alone

[iamlost]

Julia,

I think this is going to be a struggle until you can sit down with him and figure out a solution. If I were you, I would figure out how to separate your finances so you don't have to go through this anymore.

For example, you could both set up an account into which a set portion of his paycheck and yours is automatically deposited (which should be same day, not 4-5 days--you're right, that's BS), enough to cover your shared expenses (mortgage, taxes, etc.). Here they call it direct deposit, not sure what it's called there. You can even set up automatic bill pay from this account, so you don't even have to worry about that. Then each of you agree not to touch it.

Then you each have separate accounts for your personal expenses in which the rest of your paychecks are deposited.

Humans are meaning-making creatures and we alone can decide what meaning to attach to ourselves.

Love this!