Judgement call on the supportive words. I have had the need both ways at times. Probably the safest and best isn't that "it will be ok", but instead, "no matter what happens with your family, we together are our family". That transfers more faith and support than just about anything else in my opinion.
I am sorry too Cinco.. I have waited for years for him to open his eyes.... I didnt think it would ever be this black and white.
MY SIL and MIL have made me cry tears of blood as they say in Mexico... they were just so cruel.
Their goal was always to take my H away from me... and what hurt the most is... they never thought of our kids.
Karma? I dunno .... the thing is had they had one ounce of empathy for me ever. I would now tell hubby he was overeacting. Shame...
all I can think of is God has answered my prayers.
They were so cruel and heartless to me and my kids at times.... they would fake it when he was around and if he stepped out they acted as if we werent there.
this is also why in part my hubby has been so much more calm and available to us. They are not hounding him every chance they get.....
NTE~ thanks I think I am going to use that.... that is totally something I would say....
just right now he trusts me but he thinks at the same time he cant and I am going to take him for a ride.( like they did)
IN HIS MIND~ ( IMO) If my FOO treats me this way how could this Woman , my Wife ,love me as she says she does and not take me for a ride?
You're doing great, Ali. I won't bother with my standard "I don't know how you do it" trope. You're probably getting tired of it.
One thing about a lot of men is that we won't come to you with our problem unless we think you can help us solve it--AND we want a solution from you, in particular. We don't always "get" the value of just talking and having someone listen to our troubles. I think this is where the old trope of the man telling all his troubles to his barber or a bartender comes from. If you're in the barber's chair, and your troubles happen to come up, well it's not like you went in there to talk about your problems and get a sympathetic ear--you're doing stuff. You're getting a haircut. The conversation just kind of happens. Nothing girly there.
He probably thinks he's being strong, stoic, taciturn. That's what John Wayne would do.
Thank you for the book recommendations. I will bear them in mind. I'm bogged down with text books for my degree at the moment but when I get a minute I will see if I can find them.
I'm under no illusion about my H anymore. He is not coming home. However if I can make a better me (and hopefully become a sex goddess for someone else in the future ) then that has to be good right?
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I think 5 is right on here. Men don't typically just vent their problems the way women do. Hardest lesson for a man, when you wife tells you her problem, she did not just ask you for an answer! For men, it is the opposite. If I share a problem, I am looking for a solution from that person.
Men tend to lump all women together as we understand none of you. If my Mom will screw me over... The upside is, you ARE different and that will when out over time. I argue a lot with my wife over money, mostly having to do with the definition of practical and needed.
) then that has to be good right?