I don't know what other posts everyone is talking about
having a blonde moment
i can honestly say that my boys are better off after my divorces
we won't count the 1st one because of all the physical abuse
(but let me say they did love still seeing him for the small amount of time they did but me being dead wouldn't have felt all that great for them)
I can't be a good parent when I am held down and demeaned I can't be a good role model when I am constantly making excuses for someone else's behavior I can't be a good listener when my ear is always tuned to hear whatever it might be that my husband wanted from me
When I began tis journey, I wanted my husband back. Without question. Whatever it took.
I went to counseling Got my kids involved in counseling
and
in the process, found myself you see after my 1st abusive marriage, I lost me
i was in surviving mode which most likely wasn't fair to anyone that I was in a relationship with
I didn't take enough time to heal and instead looked for someone to save me
this was a big mistake the largest
and
i brought my kids into it
they loved my new husband and they were in surviving mode too as long as he didn't try to kill me we were all good
unfortunately, he wasn't good for very long
and
even though I thought I was going opposite, I was really attracted to what I knew, situations I was comfortable in.
did you know it takes an average of 6 times of leaving before a battered spouse leaves for good
thats a lot of times
people get tired of hearing the same stories
and
when things atarted happening again, I was ashamed that i let myself fall into that again, that I borught the hardys with me, that I couldn't seem to get out and then I started to believe I must deserve it. I became small and I kept getting smaller until the me that I was meant to be was only a whisper every other thursday.
when he left and I went to counseling where the 1st month all I did was sob, i started to figure some stuff out
and
i started coming back
and
because of the divorce: I am me, really really me, lights and darks i like who I am i am more confident i am stronger i am healthier i laugh out loud i smile i find blessings everyday i have ambitions and dreams i play i discipline fairly and justly i find joy in my boys we play in the rain and swim and read together and cry
my boys have a parent they can depend on that they know will protect them that they know does their best that they know makes mistakes and owns them instead of running from them that they can look up to that is a role model that surrounds themselves with positive people that has faith that is strong that bends but doesn't break
my eleven year old son hugs me and kisses me (in front of his friends) he brags about how cool his mom his he tells his friends he can't do things and then he really doesn't do them behind my back he is proud of the person I have chosen to be with he adores him and treats him with respect he isn't afraid of messing up and making everyone leave he doesn't bang his head on the walls or pull his hair anymore while saying he wishes he wasn't here
my 10 year old (ack with the double digits) has the tenderest heart every makes friends with everyone champions the underdog ALWAYS trusts without hestitation hugs his brother in public, without prompting is fair
