Glad to hear things went well for the anniversary. My W and I celebrated ours with friends about a week ago.
I know it's hard to continue to have the ups and downs you're experiencing, but hang in there. Try not to overinterpret your W's comments - focus more on her actions. You did a great job DBing to keep your W from walking, now think about what goals you still have and how you will move toward achieving them.
Keep doing a reality check - you cannot control your W's happiness. You are not soley responsible for her happiness. You are only responsible for your half of the M, and you are doing great. If she's depressed, then it's her responsibility to seek help for it or not.
I'd like to reinforce a comment made previously - do not diagnose her depression yourself. Also, do not accept the diagnoses offered on this BB for her or any member of your family. Leave that to a professional who actually sees and talks to the person in question. I say that as a doctoral level research psychologist and professor of psychiatry. Even though I know I possess those credentials, you have no way of knowing whether I'm legitimate or not. Be very wary of what you read on this or any other BB. Although some of the information posted on mental illness on your thread is valid, some misinformation has also been given.
At any rate, your W's mood and past may help explain her behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. Nor does it help you get closer to your goals. Tell us what you are doing in terms of formulating action oriented goals for each of the recommittment issues you identified in the beginning of this thread:
Quote: How to trust that the A is truly over, and that she isn't contacting him anymore. How to trust ANYTHING she says. How to know that she won't ever do this again. How to get past thoughts of the OG, especially in regards to sex. That she doesn't seem truly sorry for the A. That she still basically blames me for causing her A. How to make her comfortable enough to have R talks. How to get her to open up about what she really wants from me. How to get her to realize and respond to the fact that just as there are/were changes that she needed me to make, there are changes that she needs to make for me. How to get her to take some responsibility for understanding the A and for learning how to go forward from here (e.g., going to a MC, doing some reading, etc). How to have an argument or disagreement without fearing that it will push her back to the OG. How to regain my self-respect. How to regain my respect for her.
