Trixi trying to find moorage

[Trixi]

So much to think about.

Last night was Steely Dan in the rain. They were great and it didn't rain all that hard,so it was kinda fun.

H invited his roommate and his roommate's dad to come along (I had purchased 4 tix) so it was nice to *finally* meet who my H lives with.

I parked on the grounds, and H had to park in a shuttle parking lot. Near the end of the concert he goes "I'll just take the bus back [to his car], it's probably be faster than having you drive me." I looked at him like WTF? and he then he says 'I'll go with you; that's fine.' Gee thanks!! I said he could feel free to take the bus. phhhllpppp!

After the concert, we were going to go our separate ways (roommate was excited to get back to the house and jam) and so I drop H off at his car and within a few minutes get a call from him saying his battery is dead. I don't have jumper cables, but I go back to his car and take him back to his/our house. He invited me in.

So I hung out and listened to them play some songs. Ended up staying over night.

At the concert, roommate says something about how great it is in the backyard; so private so many birds and how much he just loves it there. (Grrrrr-MY house, damn it! It's MY marital house!!!) I nodded my head and agreed that it's really pretty there.

At the house, for the first time in a long time, I was feeling very territorial. Nearly everything ticked me off/made me sad. I looked around it was angry that I am excluded from the life *I* helped to make. H and I bought the house when it was still just a foundation; so we got to pick the light fixtures, plumbing fixtures, hard surfaces...well, on and on, WE picked out those things. Art I picked is hanging up; stuff I made for him is displayed.....

But as I watched them jam, I wondered where and how I could ever fit in? I know he loves having a roommate he can jam with whenever he wants. The roommate lives in my old "glass" room, the office is now the studio, a little itty bitty room is now H's office and the last bedroom is going to be given to stepson when he moves back out here.

I hate that they are smoking in the house. It is being well ventilated, etc, BUT gross!

Obviously, I still care a great deal and am not quite ready to give him a "step up or step off" speach, but I think I am getting closer to that point. I can't imagine ever NOT caring, but that's probably how all LBS start out.

I was pretty ticked last night that I paid for everyone to go, made food, etc and then the roommate would be the one the H would go play with afterwards. Hard to explain, and I probably sound like a big baby, but it's how I felt. I felt cast aside.

I don't think SallyM actually gave a "I'm tired of waiting" speech to her H- he was all hot and bothered to hurry up and divorce (although obviously conflicted)..BUT, he had found her here and could see that she was talking about moving on. That's 3 out of 3. huh. booger.

Dom, what is OSC?