Advice from my DB coach #3

[poet]

Yikes, I didn't see your post, Wifey. Wine is good but whiskey is probably better. No, I'm not a drinker. Maybe I should be.

hugs,
poet

[poet]

Oops, I have one more question.

I left H a note this morning, (you know, about the clean clothes and all) but I added to it from last night. I said, I "will be off tomorrow so, I'll probably be home later."

TD, is that good enough? Or, do I still need to call him?

poet

[TwinDad]

I thought that was pretty straight forward and cordial. I don't think you necessarily need to call him, then again I wouldn't purposesly ignore him either. If he calls you in the middle of the day to see how you are doing then either take the call or miss it and get back to him in a "reasonable" time period....i.e. your H is expressing an interest in how you are doing which is a good thing, we want to reward good behavior while not jumping to answer the phone in the same part not being completely rude by not getting back to him thus just making him angry.

This make sense?

My question earlier wasn't meant to be tough, I was just unclear, the statement said one thing but everything else in the post was defending why it would be another.

I will do my best for the weekend, but we may be staying in the city this weekend. I will try though

[Delil@h]

So, the question is....is this kid a geek, or what?

Brilliant~ IMO .
Not a geek or a nerd!

[SillyOldBear]

Yes, I'm seeing an IC, but honestly, she just wants me to get into the mindset of divorcing him and all that goes with it. Not much help in DB. I did tell her about DB and she 'argued' with me about it. I just stuck to my convictions, though.

That's hopeless. Cut her loose! She might be good at her job, but she's trying to take you the opposite of the way you want to go. If you're sure you don't want a divorce, what's the point of paying her good money to nag you about it?
Say you wanted to hire a personal trainer to lose 10 pounds. She looks you up and down and says "We'll start on supplements and powerlifting right away, with a 4,000 calorie/day diet. I'll put 25 pounds of lean muscle on you in two years!"

You coming back to this person? She might be good enough to get you those gains, but you already told her you want the opposite.

[Delil@h]

So? Ali? Good to see you. I'm sorry I've been so neglectful lately. I guess you could say I'm 'going through a DB crisis.' These are what we call "steps?" OMG, I thought they were impasses. You give me hope girl! Like I'm actually in movement. I feel so stagnant, maybe even like a backtracker?

Please do not feel like you have to apologize to me and what are you even apologizing for?


.... not posting on my thread?
Dont be silly~

heavens....

you have enough on your plate...

I may not always post but I am always reading along. Sometimes I just get sidetracked or hubby comes home and I cant post!

yeah this process at times feel like a roller coaster ride you cant get off of or a bit too stagnant. It just gives you more time to practice your new found skills.

You are in my prayers honey.... we are all here for you.
God bless...
~Ali

[poet]

OMG Ya'll I was feeling good all the way home and even after I got here. I was not expecting a call and H called me just now.

H: Are you home?
me: yes.
H: I fed buddy.
M: I saw that thank you.
H: It really rained there today.
Me: I went through a major rain storm this morning on the way to work.
H: What are you doing; driving back and forth to work every day now? Do you still have your apt?
Me: I've already told you I'm coming home whenever I feel like it.
H: You're coming home every day now.
M: I know. I'm coming home when I want to.
H: What are you doing with my truck?
Me: I'd already said I was helping someone move furniture.
H: Whose, yours?
Me: No.
H: Your bike is there. What is it doing home?
Me: I never use it down there so I decided to bring it back?
Are you doing OK.
H: I'm fine. I'm not going for your deal, poet.
Me: OK
H: We're getting a divorce. I'm not going to wait eight months and go through counseling and all that. It's ridiculous, and I don't want to do it.
M: I understand.
H: Ok goodnight.
M: Goodnight.

So, I guess I lose all the way around.



Anybody out there for some words of wisdom, please?

hugs,
poet

[Delil@h]

ok first take a deep breath... and then another.
Where did this convo come from?
What deal?
~A

[poet]

Hang on a sec and I'll go find it, OK?

hugs

[poet]

"What I need to know now, is is it possible for me to detach and give him the space and time he is asking for and both of us live in the same house? I just don't know if it is."

Dear Wifey,

((((((hugh hugs))))

I do not know if it is possible for you to give him some space if you are together. Here is what I know about MY sitch. Our lawyers are going to have a "telephone" conference on Tuesday morning, and I'm shattered too.

But, in my defense, my attorney is going to ask for an "uncontested divorce" with the stipulation that we both stay in the marital home at least twice a week together for 6 to 8 months. And, we must also have a visit with a mediator who has a background in marriage counseling and not a background as an attorney, to discuss the terms of the separation agreement.

I do NOT know what the outcome will be. I do know that we both want the house. He wants the D, and I do not.

His 'incentive' will be that I will give him the house if it does not work out, with my half being paid for, of course. All of this rather than fighting it out in court and losing everything.

I do know that it is possible for two divorcing people to live in the same house as long as you both "respect" each other's boundaries. I do know that my H did not "respect" my boundaries on Friday night when he was *whispering* on the phone in the next room, right in FRONT of me, probably to his OW, and so we had a fight and he has pulled away, yet again. But, I'm OK with that right at this moment. I was not OK with it on Friday or yesterday.

(I probably need to add this to my NEW & IMPROVED thread).

Hope this helps,

hugs again,
s

Edited by sgctxok (07/27/08 01:19 PM)

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