I wouldn't dream of giving you the 2x4 for "snooping". The unhappiness you must feel in discovering your W's continuing contact with OM is pain enough.
I think each and every situation has it's own dynamics and what applies well for most of us here on the bb, does not necessarily fit everyone all of the time. You made a judgement call and I believe that you are truly ready to "burn that bridge" should you discover any further infractions.
I am very slow to endorse ultimatums, however, I trust your intelligence and resolve in having issued one. Sadly, it may be the one thing that will finally awake your W; illustrate the seriousness of her foolish activities; and make clearer for her the risk she runs in gambling with the future of her family.
