It really seems to me that H is obviously still angry about the WA.. I don't think he is as angry as he lets on. I don't know that he really wants a break from it.. my general impression is he pushes to see where you go.. do you keep fighting him.. or do you clam up. From my perspective.. if I was in his shoes.. I would basically be keeping you at "arm's distance". There could be lots of reasons for doing it.. but usually there is some reason for a man to do it. It could be money, or penance, or NFC what to do, a booty call.. you get the idea.. there is a reason he is "holding" you there. He is getting something from keeping/holding you here. It could be he just has not made up his mind.
My thoughts are based off of what you have told us. At the start (of the R) you said you were the chaser. Obviously.. that worked. From your interactions with me and other here.. we can see your personality. We can also see a lack of it in your interaction with H. That personality you had.. needs to be real apparent in any interaction with your H.. cause it has worked. I think this is a big thing for you.. that personality.. has got to be bulletproof.
So.. if we take the mind of a beginner.. and act as if.. what do we come up with?
Chasing and Personality <----
Now.. Poolgate.. I think we just need to drop. At this point.. I think it would be best to not say anything else about it until he brings it up. If it does come up.. you need to restate your thought about what to do.. and ask him if he did not get the text message you sent him.
or
You pick up the phone and call him about the pool.. address the situation head on.
The other things I will need is for you to give me an idea of the things he likes.. what did you guys do together.. where did you and him have the most fun.
I remember when I was younger.. and my first "love". We fought all the time. The only time we were not fighting was when we were.. you know. She would always break up with me.. it always pissed me off. There would be a day or so of me going.. please don't do this!! Then I would just stop communicating.. a month or so would go by and she would call.. usually I would ignore the first 2-3. Send them right to VM.. so she knew I knew she called. Then when she called back again.. I would answer the phone all mean like.. Sometimes.. she would hang up on me.. other times.. she would start to talk. We always got back together.. when she started to talk. She had to make the choice.. if she wanted to come back.. she did not have to work "hard" at it.. she just had to work some.
Life is like that.. the situation changes.. we grow.. but we still react the way we used to. In my mind.. this is where you are with him.
So.. in DB fashion.. we make a change.. and monitor the results.
We got a reaction.. from the texting.. but I think we fell back because you got scared. He is gonna answer the phone mean! Trust me on that.
It did not change anything though.. you are exactly where you were before.. right?
I still stay start with the texting.. but I want them to be a bit more "personal".. I was thinking about you.. I miss talking to you... what are you up to... again the idea is to generate a response. We want him to respond in one way or the other. I have to suspect the response is going to be mean.. that is what you need to be prepared for. You can't let it show that it affects you. You need to respond quickly to the attack that may come. Something "tongue in cheek" like .. Wow angry guy.. you gonna be alright.. just wanted to talk to you.
I don't think that I could wait as long as you have.. I would be going stir crazy by now. So alot of this has my response to the situation in it. Thats where the others come in.. esp Sandi2. Call it check and balance. I'm the check.. shes the balance.
Maybe my idea needs some honing.. or some different words.. the idea is to generate some response with a little bit of chasing.. so you can show some personality.
I still think if he wanted a D as bad as he says he does.. he would have done it.
I still think his anger is centered on your prior actions.. that means he is still thinking about you. That's good and bad.
I still think it is time to stir things up.. I get the feeling you do to.. I just want you to be sure.
I went back and read most of what has happened here.. and I ran across this.
"The old counselor who I saw, said his emotional maturity age was that of a 15 year old(the age when he started drinking/using drugs)so he reverts back to that age when he is under emotional stress....hence all of the "highschool" drama."
I had to laugh about that.. cause I felt the same thing when I wrote about my "first love".. that was during my highschool days. Like I said.. we learn from Life.. what we learn.. we use to the best of our ability. This feels like a high school drama.
I am still not 100% sure.. why all the fear about the D. You two are living separate lives.. have separate homes.. don't talk.. he dates other people.. he is not taking care of the pool.. what would you loose in the D? I know its not a simple answer..
Sometimes... you have to face the thing that fears you the most. A lot of times its not really a fear at all.. it was just the one thing holding you back.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
