It took me a long time to move from Newcomers. Now I wonder about being in this forum. I don't have a marriage. Spouse has moved on living with his girlfriend. His sole objective with me is divorce. We are as dysfunctional divorcing as we were married.
He doesn't check the spending or do the work to get his own online account. He left. As his wife I would have gladly set up the login information (since he hates forms of any kind). I don't now. I'm gearing myself up to talk about how much our savings have dwindled.
I'm also going to set up a consult with another lawyer to determine if what my lawyer has proposed is reasonable. I'm not going to worry about how to support the older kids, provide extras. I am looking for guidance if I should keep this big ole house with its expenses because the market is so slow. In the end it's my decision.
Like someone once suggested, perhaps there should be a category.. Moving on but having support. DBing is good for me. I don't see its application in my marriage anymore. Perhaps for the parenting aspect. Heck, I've stopped posting on new threads because I can barely handle what's going on in my life.
Since he left, I've never said "I love you." He's been checked out of the marriage for quite a while. He's bullheaded, obstinate and has complete belief in his convictions.
I am stubborn, creative and love being around people. I have an ongoing deep depression which is managed by medication. Now that the blinders have been pulled off from my singular path, it's time for me to get healthy, to take care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I run from anything where I feel dependent on others. The friendships I do make I feel icky if I think I'm imposing. If someone is on vacation (whether it be my children, family or friends) I rarely call them because I don't want to intrude.
A lot of my life has been focused on excess privacy, no doubt because of all the 'secrets' of my childhood. Secrecy eats away at the soul bringing an unnecessary burden to life. Let it out, let it go. We'll see how I do revealing the state of our finances to spouse. His omission of involvement is just as weighing as my not keeping track of how/where the money went.
Ah well.. another long one, like gForce has said.. difficult to read because so much is packed in. Hello.. that's me when I'm in this mood of letting out.
Hope all is well. Once again, I'm finding my feet and wobbling to walk.. heck.. I'm probably walking and finding my stride.
Love to you all. Thank you for being such a support.
