Quote: hmmm...well, first off, sounds like asking your w. for reassurances right now is a cheeseless tunnel (so try to stay out of it). Secondly, wasn't your timing off? She had said somethings that sounded insulting, you were likely peeved...maybe not the best time to get reassurances? (I know, I know, it was the time when you probably MOST needed them....) If you MUST ask for reassurances, how about doing it when you two are feeling good about each other?
Picking the right time for any R talk is very tough. Don't want to spoil things when things are going well, and don't feel the need to find out what she's thinking. When things are not going well, that's the time when my need to know is the greatest, but obviously that's not the best time for a heart to heart. Maybe I should try infrequent, time-limited, but planned-in-advance R talks. The time-limited aspect is important too - while I'd prefer to hash things out until they're fully hashed, my W grows more and more annoyed the longer the talks go on.
Quote: eskb << In response to a specific question, she said that she is committed to trying to make our M work. Notice the "trying to". That's not the same as "committed to making our M work", is it? In fact, "trying to" changes the whole meaning. It's not really a commitment at all. >>
My 2 cents (uncensored) is that you're reading WAY TOO MUCH into this. Your w. CAN'T MAKE your m. work. She can TRY to but do you really think that she can MAKE it work? Honestly, I think I would have answered the question in the exact same way she did...and I don't think one can doubt my commitment to my m
OK, maybe I'm parsing her language too closely here. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I shouldn't get in a tizzy over every misspoken syllable. But do you see what I mean about how the words "trying to" changes a seeming commitment into a weak "maybe"? Would you give someone a loan if they said, "I agree to try to pay it back"? Yes, on the one hand, trying is all you can do, but commitment is all about performance, not effort. I know that I'm pushing too hard for language being a perfect translation of thought, but still...
Quote: You also know that you can't MAKE her sorry...and trying to control it may make her very, very resistant to coming upon her regret by herself. Also, don't forget that she may be protecting herself...from feeling the unbelievable pain of what she's done...
I suspect that the more you push this, the more she'll push back....
Yes, you are absolutely right. I can't push on this, gotta let it happen (or not happen) at its own pace. Somehow, I've got to let it drop. I just keep thinking that if we could just get past this last major hurdle...
