Quoting shinybear:I also get the sense that CJ isn't as "sorry" for the A as I'd like him to be!!! Sometimes I wonder if he really IS sorry, although he did say so a long time ago.
I guess it would help me to hear it more often, when memories get to me etc. "I'm sorry I caused you so much pain...I'm sorry I was so selfish...I'm sooo sorry I lied to you and betrayed your trust!"
Oh to hear those words! sigh....
Can I admit to feeling a little good that it's not just me who doesn't get the heartfelt repeated apology? Not that I don't wish it for you too, but sometimes I think that no one else is as heartless as my W.
Quote: I have some trouble with your W's attitude toward the A. Sorry it hurt you, but not sorry it Happened??? WHAT? That's the moral reasoning of a 4-6 year-old, "it's only wrong if you get caught!"
My thinking, exactly!
Quote: Brian, would you say that prior to the A you were the one with more control in your M? I'm just wondering if your W is (perhaps unconsciously) NOT admitting to wrong-doing, not humbling herself, not apologizing because now the balance is tipped in HER favour and she wants to keep you on your toes??? Like the "trying to" comment?
OK, Shiny, now you're hitting too close to home. I didn't think that I had more control, but I know that this was a BIG issue for my W. Example: I used to pay the bills and would complain loudly about her spending habits. I thought she spent frivilously, and that we would be better able to afford the things we really wanted if we didn't piss it away on inconsequential things. She felt controlled by this, and responded by spending even more. Eventually, I turned the bill-paying over to her and just said, "you make it work", and things have been better since then. There are other examples too, where she has felt bullied and controlled by me. So, yeah, maybe there is something here about her feeling like an apology is some kind of subjugating act, and that she feels more in control if she doesn't give me what I want.
