Quote: I agree with the idea that "forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves". But is it really forgiveness if we force it upon ourselves? You are being honest with your feelings and I think that that is a necessary part of the journey toward being able to forgive.
Honest, yes, but I keep thinking that if I were just a better, stronger person, maybe I could do this forgiveness thing without needing my W's remorseful apology. I've come a long ways, but there is yet a long way to go.
Quote: I know that for myself, as with many others, the direction of reconcilation is rarely linear in nature. Along with steps there are plateaus where progress has to be processed, assimilated, expanded upon and solidified before we can safely move forward.
Frequently, positive growth can be nearly invisible to our inner eye except, of course, through retrospect.
Great stuff here, Jeannine. I need to keep reminding myself that small backsteps aren't necessarily catastrophes. I'm not very patient and continually look for the shortcuts to a M that is whole again.
Quote: It may be true that your W is incapable of empathy for your feelings right now or that she can't feel remorse for the damage her actions have brought to your M, but it may also prove true that she will acquire that ability as life peels away the outer layers of her cocoon ... little by little.
God, I hope so. I just keep thinking that this is the one thing that is holding us back from truly getting past all this and reaching new highs in our love, in our M.
Quote: You are obviously further up the road than your W in terms of relationship skills and your perspective of the A is in opposition to your W's. This is bound to cause you great discomfort and frustration.
Unfortunately, my relationship skills have mainly been honed only since that fateful day in February. Previously I didn't think about it, perhaps even wallowed in not thinking about it (i.e., real men don't have "relationship skills"). But it IS frustrating now to be the one to be able to read the roadmap to a better R, while having a spouse who is unable or unwilling to read it too.
