I agree with what Jen says and what Shoe says, with moderation. When reading your earlier posts, I saw that you proofread and edit his school work, and you seem to be the organizer of the household and the marriage in general. In my own case, I did everything with finances and organization because my ex wouldn't. When it came to the end, she saw it all as controlling. We weren't poor because she wouldn't get a job. We were poor because I must've blown our money. She didn't get a job because I wouldn't let her, not because she wouldn't get off the couch. Shoe's right. Their perspective right now is all about them and what they want.
Because of that, they will not see anything they've done wrong, or contributed to where the situation is. Not now. That doesn't mean they never will, just not today or tomorrow. You've got the head start here. You're starting that painful process of looking at yourself and trying to find out how you can be better. He is not.
Organization for him should be up to him. Period.
Living arrangements for each of you should be up to each of you. Now, I think Shoe makes a point that if he's the one wanting a change, he's the one who should have to change. But, I also think your husband may not understand that, especially with you leaving for a while. That being said, DO NOT bend over backward and inconvenience yourself to make life easier for him. He'll just see that as more control.
Also, there's a point where you'll have to realize that he will see ANYTHING as controlling, whether it really is or not. My ex accused me of being controlling when I was not able to pay for her to drive one of our two brand new cars (later gone to the repo man). So, we get back to . . . take care of you, improve you, be the best you can be. The hope is that he'll learn from your example and follow along. Either way, you win yourself.
