Hi Brian, I'm posting from home now, so I have compiled this off line as my connection is a lot slower than at work, not to mention I smashed my finger with a hammer today, its taking me even longer...
In a lot of ways, I think you and I are on that same plateau Jeannine spoke about. I seem to be struggling with the irrational and pessimistic thoughts as you are but lately, I finding what triggers a lot of these thoughts is when she does initiate the intimacy (touching, etc... including the sex). A couple times this weekend, once where we were just watching TV and she reached over and gave me a kiss on the cheek and later when she ran her finger nails over my chest, I'm having a hard time accepting she is doing this because she loves me, so I ask myself why and it just starts the whole irrational and pessimistic thinking.
I, too, believe it stems from the fact that she is not remorseful either about having an A with this particular OM. She feels she is giving up "true love" by not being with him. She is still grieving for herself and for what she feels she is giving up. As long as she is focused her own grieving, she is not likely to comprehend the depth of the hurt she has caused me or the damage she has done to our R. Not until if or when we reach the stage where she is totally content and happy in our M, will she fully understand to the extent of what she did ... came so close to jeopardizing what she has.
Sorry, I don't have much to offer as I seem to be wondering around in the same forest...
I saw my new pal shiny has something to post, I'm gonna have to go back now and read what she had to say ...
