I'm still withholding forgiveness. I really thought I'd have gotten past this point by now.
I agree with the idea that "forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves". But is it really forgiveness if we force it upon ourselves? You are being honest with your feelings and I think that that is a necessary part of the journey toward being able to forgive.
I know that for myself, as with many others, the direction of reconcilation is rarely linear in nature. Along with steps there are plateaus where progress has to be processed, assimilated, expanded upon and solidified before we can safely move forward.
Frequently, positive growth can be nearly invisible to our inner eye except, of course, through retrospect.
It may be true that your W is incapable of empathy for your feelings right now or that she can't feel remorse for the damage her actions have brought to your M, but it may also prove true that she will acquire that ability as life peels away the outer layers of her cocoon ... little by little.
I have avoided having R talks, partly because they tend to be unproductive, and partly because I think that it's better to just focus on slowly growing the R and being happy together.
I agree.
You are obviously further up the road than your W in terms of relationship skills and your perspective of the A is in opposition to your W's. This is bound to cause you great discomfort and frustration.
