If it makes you feel any better, I probably heard these same lines about 100 times. It took a long time to accept, especially considerig that we had 2 yr old twins. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
I was just curious if you had started to see an IC (or have been going to one). You have had some difficult times in your life, some of which have had a bearing on your present sitch.....just thought having that extra "professional" person to talk to might help a bit instead of depending upon our background from the school of hard knocks.....both have their benefits.
I have confidence that you can work through this. Another book I found helpful was "His Needs, Her Needs", it may give some insight into how affairs start, how they end, and how to work past them. Granted, I don't think you are in a position to start talking about working past it with your H, but reading it might help to better understand how you got to your present sitch and what your H's mentality was at the time.
Right now, I would focus first on gaining peace within yourself (whether that is from meds, GAL, or some combination), then I would work on creating a comfortable environment within your house, one that you and your H don't feel pressured and can be relaxed. Basically this comes down to putting the bad memories from the past and your fears behind you and just being yourself.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
