I went to bed early.. at 10 PM. Since spouse left, I'd go to bed after my daughter went to bed. Last night, I was exhausted and said good night to all. I woke up a little before 6 AM and found I was fretting, thinking of sending spouse a note saying all sorts of things, like asking for an apology for the misleading notes he sent to me while copying his lawyer. What did I do?
Uh huh.. took my own advice. I got up and took my aging dog for a walk. One good thing about older dogs, you can walk at whatever speed you like. It was a gorgeous morning, the sprinklers were creating fuzzy rainbows and gentle sounds. Those stupid little black flying things.. no-see-ums? were circling my face. I found that puffing them away like you'd blow hair out of your face was the most effective method of ridding their presence, temporarily. It beat doing that demented waving motion in front of my face.
Now that I've walked, I'm not going to write him a note. And if I don't get 'him' out of my life (his reactions to things, my fear of his reactions to things) it sure as heck is not going to be MY life.
I have a choice.. to accept what is and move forward or continue to allow myself to be confounded by his actions. Just let him go. Goodness do I cling to poison ivy or what?
Hope your days are full of sunshine and blessings.
*hugs*
My dad, who almost died this spring, had to have a blood transfusion yesterday that ended up taking over 8 hours to perform since his heart is so weak. My father continually molested me as a child. As an adult I struggled to forgive him and let go of my anger. I'm learning now to try and let go of the residuals.. like fear, insecurity, fear of intimacy, fear of commitments, fear.. which can cripple me and adversely affect my relationships.
I care for my dad but don't feel a closeness to him. I wondered if this would happen to spouse if he continues on his current path with our kids. Ahhh.. sounds like there's a slight tinge of non positive emotion in that thought.. have to send him blessings.. and my dad, too, I guess. Forgiveness is more for the giver than the other.
