Recommitment issues, post affair

[sage]

This stuff will continue to come up. Her being truly sorry for the betrayal is important to me. It eventually needs to be her attitude, or it will be an ongoing sore spot and source of problems.

Brian

Brian -- I can relate to your feelings -- your desire for her remorse, particularly as a strong indicator that she won't let this happen again. I AM going to suggest, though, that you convince yourself NOT to bring up the affair, your hurt about it, etc. in the midst of a conversation/argument about something else -- in this case, her hurt/anger over what she thought was an insensitivity on your part.

I know how difficult it is to NOT do this -- I've posted before about how sometimes when my h. gets angry with me about something or other I feel internally outraged "how dare you get mad at me at this trivial incident...." but I think it's really, really important -- not just for you but for your wife, too.

Fact is, it's "good argument practice" NOT to "kitchen sink" anyway (kitchen sinking is when you start arguing about one thing and then everyone just throws their issues into the heap). Seems like it would be even more critical with this weighty of a topic.

Anyway, just my 2 cents.

Sage