Also I don't have anyone who would walk in the middle of my situation and move in or stay there. No one wants to get involved. Not even our parents. The only thing that will stop him from coming is If I say ' I'll give you a divorce if he stays out and we sell the house'
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I am so sick of everyone telling me her mind is made up. If it was made up she wouldn't be nice to me and I would have been served. Should I ask her why I haven't been served ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
can anyone advise ? the more people I talk to, the more I feel like I'm chasing a dream of her coming to her senses, or that she didn't lose them at all. she's being really nice to me, which means nothing I know, but I haven't been served. I hate not knowing. is there any way to tell when they have just plain lost their feelings and they aren't coming back ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
((((Buster))) The only thing/person you can control is you. If you want it to work then do what you have to do to make it work and the fastest way is for W and OM to get a harsh dose of reality.
I would move back in in a heartbeat. I would also waste no time in taking all of the doors inside the interior of the house off of the hinges...hard to have private time with no door (leave bathroom door on, remove knob.)
Maybe I'm just dense, but why can't you fight W for DS? Is she the best parent for him to be with? I'm just asking.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
and me moving in isn't going to stop them. my wife claims to be in love with OM, I had my chance, too late for me to be changing, etc. Moving in pushes her THAT much closer to OM; i'll be seen as the bad guy. Besides if i move in, she'll leave, essentially taking our son with her, which is the reason i moved out to begin with - to keep him there.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
Don't take this the wrong way, but no matter what you do, if W thinks she is in love with OM, any situation is going to bring them closer.
I was just saying I would move in for me. If you want her back, let her go. You can't fix this. You can't fix her. This is her journey and she will have to do it her way. The ONLY thing you can control is you. Who really cares if you are seen as the "bad guy?" If W and OM weren't acting like Jr. Highers then there wouldn't have to be a "bad guy" or anything as childish as that. Has moving out brought her any closer to you? It took me a long time to realize it, but the best thing you can do for W is to let her start FEELING the consequences of her actions. I kept trying to bail my H out and be the nice person and fix, fix, fix. All I did was throw kerosene on a fire and watch it explode.
I'm not trying to be harsh, but if you continue down a path that has not shown any results, why continue down that path? Try something else.
You also have Mark and Puppy helping you, dude, seriously...listen to these guys and do EXACTLY what they say. You have no idea how fortunate you are to have them....
Just know, this is NOT ABOUT YOU, so stop trying to make it about you. Do what you need to do for you and your son. Stop making excuses for your W's behavior and start letting her feel the consequences of the choices she has made.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Sugar, When i was livin there, and for the first 3 weeks since moving out, I begged, cried and pleaded for her to take me back or try to work things out. I got "too little too late." I am almost positive my wife wanted one of us (me) to move out to make it more convenient to have OM over there when she wanted. Granted I pushed her away so much with my pleading, that she wasn't nice to me until I stopped. Once I got on with life living at my parents, she was nice to me, was asking how my day was, calling me if she had a question about fixing something at the house or her car. She is being very nice to me now too, despite the fact that she has OM sleep over whenever she wants. I feel she is being nice to try to get me to grant her divorce. When she brings up our R, or the big D, and I say "i want what's best for our family including our son, and divorce/separation is not it" she gets angry and says nasty things and tells me to quit holding on, it's over, it's too late.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I'm puzzled because I'm told by people to move back in, but at the same time you say "if you want her back, let her go" how can I do both at the same time ? as for her feeling the consequences, she sees this guy every day, goes out for drinks with old friends and has a grand old time. how will she feel anything negative ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
