Listen to her about looking at how good things are going. When I read your posts it is like going back in time for me. Things were going great and then I would snoop and find she was still e-mailing these "friends". (guys she met on match.com that pumped up her ego, but only electronic contact) It was nothing of any substance but it certainly pissed me off, especially when she would lie about ongoing contact. We like talking to people who make us feel good and that is hard to let go of and "when" all contact will truly stop is up to her. My W finally gave up on it because she never figured out how I got so much information and was tired of me being crabby about it. I effectively "broke her" of it but I don't recommend my methods as they will drive both of you crazy. Now I know better. It would have taken less time if I would have left it alone and focused on forgiveness and making myself the best H ever. You want some promise that she won't ever leave again? Your best shot is to show her you are an amazing person by forgiving, growing and loving her. You helped push her away now start pulling her towards you by your actions. Don't be petty and resentful unless you like misery. Does she deserve it? Maybe not. Does she "owe you"? Probably so. Holds her hand as you walk together but don't "pull her" along.
I had a FIL who put up with unbelieveable antics from my MIL. I said many times how I could never live with someone who was such an emotional wreck. Yet, at his wake she called him her "rock" and said she never would have made it through life without him. Now she is dealing with her actions and him being gone 20 years sooner than expected. He loved her and knew she needed him and so he chose to stay with her for 45 years.
Drop your suspicions and you continue a postive evolution of your R. If you keep "chasing the ghost" you will only frustrate her as she is making many positive steps. She is probably progressing as fast as she can so be patient. I think you handled the passcode very well but please stop snooping.
