Heartsick Over The Big D

[sgctxok]

I now think that DB is wrong about not pursuing. I think I should have asked H "Why?", I should have done SOME pursuing. Now, I can't. And I believe that there is such a thing as too much space. It really does make your H believe that everything is OK and they have nothing to feel guilty about. It simply reinforces their idea that they made the right decision in walking away.

Thanks for listening.



Hi Kimmie....

I understand your anxiety about this.

There are folks on the board who will say never to pursue. That is not DBing. Not pursuing is important to do when it isn't working, when it's MORE OF THE SAME, when you're feeling or acting desperate or needy....etc, as described in the LAST RESORT TECHNIQUE.

But ... if all you do is go dark...what kind of relationship is that.

Sending your H the email was a good thing...it was testing the waters. And you SHOULD do that from time to time.

It's important to learn how to come out of the dark.

And yet...he's still involved with OW, and your counselor, who SEEMS to be unethical hasn't helped.....so you haven't had as much opportunity to try to test the waters. Don't second guess yourself, I don't know your WHOLE situation....but I know this much has been good decisions.



If you had a wild idea about something you wanted to try, what would it be?