I would advise you to forgice them all at once. They are all interrelated. Clean the slate completely. It isn't fair, in fact, it stinks but you came here to save your M and to feel better and that is what it is going to take. Being up to it everyday is a challenge but you can handle it. You are scareing me with the similarities of our feelings. I am struggling with these same issues a and my sitch is far older. My good friends helped me with a few wise words. Look around this board, what your W did is common. I didn't believe that a year ago but I do now. Love is a choice and so is forgiveness. If you want your M to "recover" and prosper don't go backwards, just don't. It is hard, real hard, especially when the "anger" phase hits. I struggle the most with respecting her after she showed her "true colors". I think that takes longer than trust or forgiveness. I have forgiven people before that I don't respect very much. That is easy because we don't expect much from them, right? You are on a tough path, man. I am only a little further down the path than you are. All ten of the items you listed are valid but if you want her to truly love and cherish you in the future forget about them all. Compassion and understanding is very, very attractive. Judgement, resentment, and contempt are just plain ugly.
On the deceit issue. Don't ever forget "If you trust too much you may deceived, but if you trust too little you will be tormented". Gets me through a lot of days. One thing the "anger" phase did for me was to trust her. It got easier because if she betrayed me in anyway I was all done with her. That is my "zero tolerance policy".
Your feelings will ebb and flow. When you have good days there is no other woman you will want to be with and on bad days you will wonder why you are still married to her. Enjoy the good days and get distracted on the bad ones. Find any distraction possible but get away from what doesn't work (anger, resentment, disrespect) when those feelings hit. I prefer lifting weights to Metallica really loud. Whatever works, right?
Have a great weekend with your family focus on the present.
