Hey, we live in the same area -- probably went to the same movie the other night!! We have a boat and go out to the "lake" waterskiing -- maybe we've been there at the same time -- seems odd, huh?
I know very well what you're going through with your W and her feelings about breaking it off with the OM. I went through the same thing last summer. My story is way too long and complicated to post here on your thread.
The jist is that I had to listen to my H tell me about his feelings for the OW and that it might take some time for him to get over her. It's devastating to here those words, but I was prepared to give him time to "grieve" not matter how torturous it was for me.
Oddly, enough, my H never really seemed to be grieving for this person. To me, he actually seemed relieved to be done with it. We did go away for about 10 days on a previously scheduled vacation. I wanted to ensure there was no contact in order to break the addition.
He has since been in counseling and was diagnosed as clinically depressed, went on medication, and has emerged incredibly happy and ready to spend the rest of his life "making up" to me for what he put me through.
We've had a few discussions about those times. He said his feelings for the OW started to go away almost immediately. He realized that whatever "feelings" he had for her was not love. He came to realize that she was not even a friend.
Last night I asked him again if it had been really difficult to give her up. He said, no, not at all. He told me he thinks the reason it was not difficult was because of the way I treated him during that time. See, all he really wanted was to be loved. Somewhere during the past 19 years he came to believe that I didn't love him anymore -- or even like him.
But because of the fact that I treated him with love and compassion, he finally realized that I was really the only one who did love him unconditionally, the real him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that right now this really sucks, but once your W has a little time to really reflect on what she's done, the ramifications of her actions, and how incredibly loving and supportive you've been for her, she will start to see the OM and her involvement with him as her deepest humiliation.
